Mixed Feelings

I had an abortion about a month ago. I made the decision to terminate the pregnancy the same day i found out i was pregnant. I only knew about it for 3 days before it was all over.

No one forced me to do it, in fact i think my boyfriend wanted to keep the baby, but i know neither one of us is ready. I'm 22 in school full time and don't have a job. he's also 22, works in construction and although he is a nice guy, I think he lacks direction and  abition, also he likes to smoke marijuana with his friends.  In other words, neither one of us is prepared to be a parent at this point in our lifes.

I feel i made the right decision and yet sometimes i get really sad. When i'm in physiology class and the professor begins talking about fetal develpment i often wonder if my baby had those features already, though the answer is most likely no because it was only 5 weeks.  I also get sad when i'm left alone with my thoughts. I wonder how my life would be different, like maybe I could've done it if i dropped most of my classes for this upcoming semester and worked part time.  But since that is not happening anymore, all i can do is finish school already, apply to dental schoo next year. Sometimes when i find myself slacking off in school  i tell myself  "do it for baby", and it pushes me to study harder and try to get better grades.

I'll be a mom later on in life, and i'll be very happy about it and i'll be the best mom i can be. I'm just not ready now.

deleted deleted
13 Responses Jul 30, 2010

Penguin, you would not have believed the things Markus was saying here. <br />
I'm glad you don't have to. No one should have to.<br />
I applaud EP for their attention to this.<br />
<br />
Markus was so angry at EP for "censoring" him, that he deleted his profile.<br />
mmmm... bu-bye

trust litl to fight the good fight... an iron fist in a woolly sock!

"Trolls do nothing but hate, and flame and make excuses."<br />
<br />
Yep.<br />
<br />
<br />
***This is a test, only a test. EPArsineh has assured me Markus is banned from this group. I want to make sure of that.***

You are going to report me for what, Markus?<br />
<br />
You are a hateful, obnoxious troll. Most likely banned from most of the sites you spew on. Always a new profile, same rhetoric, name calling, and lack of any social skills. <br />
<br />
Why don't you put an ounce of all that energy into doing something for the kids that are here and need help?<br />
You claim to be such a baby lover. What have you done lately to support that? Aside from from sit on your computer and hurl? <br />
Do you have any children? What programs and charities are you involved with?<br />
<br />
Besides your generous ability to spew online, what do you really do?

I think it's pretty obvious why this person deleted their profile.<br />
<br />
Markus, you have been reported.

deleted,<br />
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I do not know if you reported this creep markusgp. but i did! he was harrassing me on my abortion stories. he was calling me a murderer and other such things. I reported him then, and i reported him now when i read your story then your comments. in my view he doesn't have a uterus, so he doesn't have an opnion. I admire your courage and commend you on the way you moved on to better your life:) We all need support, which is why we come to this website. <br />
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Men like him are so cowards, he will never know how hard it is to let go of something growing inside you. I jsut wanted to make sure you knew I got your back girl! HOpefully if we all band together and keep reporting this *******, he will no longer be able to connect to this site. He will die a very sad, lonely person. I would almost say that he will get the worst judgment on judgment day due to his lack of compassion for others.<br />
<br />
keep being strong, and know that you have women on here that love you and share your pain.

You seem to be a very angry man, Markus.<br />
Your points would probably be more well-received without all the name -calling.<br />
<br />
Your "FACTS" are only your MarkusGP facts. <br />
<br />
I did watch the video. But I didn't need too. I have had an abortion. I know more about this experience than you ever will.

Didn't you just write a story about how someone's opinions were not welcome in your group?<br />
Why are you here?<br />
<br />
You assume I "didn't watch the video" and you know I am " wrong" ...pointless.

I've struggled through plenty of your posts, Markus. <br />
<br />
I don't know all the details of your battle with Bitlord. But you certainly don't belong on "Deleted's" story with your pro-life stance. <br />
<br />
Grow a uterus, then we'll talk.

Markus, you are such a hypocrite.<br />
I saw your story complaining about Bitlord "spamming" your ridiculous Obama rants. <br />
<br />
Yet, here you are...posting your pro-life propaganda on someone's story.

First they complain about over populating the world with unwanted babies. They complain about helping to provide government assistance for these kids. Now they complain about aborting unwanted babies.. Babies that they hate women for having if they know they're not ready. Because they hate helping to assist struggling mothers who knew they needed an abortion, but just couldn't get it. . I say move on, learn from your mistakes and don't repeat it again.

I lost my baby at 8 weeks due to a miscarriage. I went through painful contractions and had to push my dead baby out. I felt really sad about it. But whats done is done. Everything works out for the best you can't change what happened in the past. I was only 18. I wanted an abortion but I couldn't afford it, so I knew I would have to be a young mother on welfare struggling to make it everyday. Living check to check on government asistance. My boyfriend got me pregnant on purpose and neither one of us had a job. So in a way I feel like I got a 2nd chance. Instead of being on welfare and taking care of a baby I got the chance to go to college. I dumped him and moved on with my life. I know God let it happen for a reason. I can't beat myself up about it. I just know now not to ever get in that situation again. You did what was best for yourself at the time. Just move on with your life but never repeat the same mistake twice.

first of all, excuse me for this but---<br />
MARKUSGP, don't be making people feel bad so YOU CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. No one's looking for pity here and believe me, no one would want your pity anyways. So leave your malicious thoughts to yourself and get off this site and stop harassing innocent people. You're pathedic.<br />
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and to you my dear, i understand. I'm 20 and a student and my boyfriend wanted to keep it, but he smokes weed and we both lack finanically, emotionally, physically, mentally abilites to have a child.<br />
but don't regret your decision, if it was right FOR YOU then it was the right move! Don't let negative people bring you down!