The Thing

I was actually happy when i saw a positive pregnancy test result...i was sort of relieved to know i was capable of reproducing but even then i knew that the child had to go. Its been 2 weeks since my abortion.

Before the abortion pills worked but this time it was like my baby didnt want to leave. Maybe i overreacted, got overly sentimental and ****. I dont know but i know it hurt. I felt guilty...its a feeling i might never be able to express.

My pregnancy lasted around 2 3 weeks before the child was surgically evacuated.Those 2 3 weeks my stomach was swollen, i puked pver everything all the time and i would eat like a hog. It was so lovely to feel life inside me....and yes i did. I didnt feel alone...i felt warm even though it was always a little painful.

It hurts to know that my child didnt want to leave. I could tell. I overdosed on 3 different abortion pills...the pain was unbearable...but my baby didnt leave and even though i knew this meant i would have to get a proper abortion i still liked knowing that he'd be here longer. I remember i used to write poems and talk to my stomach and try to make my baby understand my situation.

"Im not married baby! Baby if i were in the States where this isnt a big deal i would never consider abortion. Im in Pakistan....living alone is sin enough...having a baby out of wed-lock could result in them killing me or worst taking over my life and even yuors baby after ur born. You need to go and i promise one day you will come to this world and you will be showered with all the love, riches, toys any baby could ask for."

Since my boyfriend is very caring he arranged for my abortion to take place in my house. The doctors came to my house, i have them all tea and then it started. 2 very painful hours. 2 very very painful hours.

Inbetween I nearly had a seizure so the doctor took a 5 minute break when i asked for my boyfriend. He saw me and started crying and then fainted. He cant bare to see me in pain, even before the surgery all he did was keep on telling me how sorry he was to put me thru this.... God Bless him.

I try not too think about it but its really unavoidable....

After the abortion im scared of childbirth....i will have kids for sure but after the abortion i started questioning how painful that will be and that just scares the **** out of me anyday!
NewAndImproving NewAndImproving
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 2, 2010

I had the same thing with my baby. He didnt want to leave. He was a fighter. That made me feel all the more guilty for what I felt I had to do.