Late Abortion That's Tearing Me Apart

I just had an abortion. It hasnt even been a couple of days. I know it's still too fresh and raw and I need to give it time to heal, but right now I can't see the possibility of healing. All I feel is pain and guilt. When I first found out I was pregnant I had mixed feelings. I was in a relationship at the time and I told him right away. At first he was telling me he wanted us to be a family and live together. That started to make me excited that this could work. Within a couple weeks this changed. He left me for someone else. I'm already a single parent. I work and go to school full-time. I couldnt do this alone all over again. So I made my decision. I tried originally two medical procedures the first did not work, a month later the second also did not work. Which left a 3rd physical procedure late abortion, this makes me feel even more guilty because I know Micheal was formed by then. I dont know how I know it was a boy I just feel it. He was a fighter. He wasnt ready to go and now I realize after the fact I wasnt ready either. Now really I could care less about the jack*** of a male that left, all I care about is the lil one that was apart of me and now is not.

I'm trying to find peace in knowing I made the right decision. He would have deserved a better life than the one I would have been able to give him.
Dymund Dymund
26-30, F
2 Responses Aug 7, 2010

thanks so much! i really appreciate that!

you a brave strong woman!!! your little one will always be a part of your heart. I look at my abortion this way... I now have my own angel that will always be with me. How many people on this earth can say that? you have already begun to heal. you have us here and i hope you find more support and love on that website i suggested. just remember hun, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! sending you much love and many hugs!