I Am Thinking About Having An Abortion!Hi everyone,
Well my story is kind of crazy and I still can't believe how I got to this point in my life! I am still married ( soon to be divorced) but my husband had an affair while I was 8 months pregnant with our 2nd child. Our baby boy is now 7 months old and our daughter is 2 years old. last month I have took plan B twice to make sure I do not get pregnant and we also used condoms. My husband now tells me that his affair is 12 weeks pregnant from him. Well, it was a shocker but the phone call from my doctor shocked me even more! He had told me that my HCG level is 8 which was very low and he said I might of had a miscarriage or will still have one. I don't know when I actually got pregnant coz my last period was 2 months ago and I took 6 hpt in that time and all negative! My 2nd blood test from today had an HCG level 140 which means I am pregnant and I dont even feel pregnant and I really don't want a 3rd child right now! I can not care for a 3rd child! I want to be there for my two little ones that will need me more then ever after our divorce since we will be moving to start a new life. My body is not healthy enough to carry a baby, I have lost tons of weight due to not eating the way I should be, I started smoking again since the affair (totally stressed), I have been drinking with friends on the weekends and I am just so tired from taking care of everything on my own. When my daughter was born I had postpartom depression and I think I still don't have the bond with her sometimes. I love her to death but sometimes it still hurts to know that I had such horriable feelings. When she was 3 months old my father had past away and I was not there. I think I am still trying to get over that. Well, I guess deep down inside I just know that I have to be a healthy stable mother for my two children and I have to focus on what will happen next, to try to make a nice,comfy and secure home for them. If I am pregnant now, that means I have been prego for the last 3 years and my body needs a break! This can not be healthy and what gets me the most is, that my husband is ok with it. He said congratulations when I told him! I mean really? It's like I already have a 3rd child and I am pregnant with my 4th! I wish things would be different and I would have a husband that cared about us and would give me the support that I need to raise these kids! I am so hopping that I just will have a miscarriage but if not I think it is really the best for me to say goodbye to this baby so I can get my life back on track and take good care of my babies that I have!