I Was Judgemental Until It Happended To Me....

I became a mother at the young age of sixteen got married two years later and had another baby. I love being a mother but being at such a young age really put my life on hold. Everything I did I did it for them. Seven years later I seperated from my husband and during a 8 month seperation I had a fling and got pregnant..oppps but I did the responsible thing and took care of me, my kids, and my new baby on the way...Getting pregnant with my youngest really woke me up and I got back in school. I never got to graduate but I got my GED and that was good enough to enroll myself into college....my youngest sons father helps physically with his son (by the way were not together) but in the 19 months he was born he has not pitched in more than 200 bucks....so here I am going to school full time for Social Work, working part time, and mothering full time...Its hard but I'm doing pretty good. Well one night I fell into temptation and had sex with my ex. I hadnt had sex in awhile and I gave in....Yep...a month later no peroid I knew I was prego and I knew I could not have another baby by this man...I know I know then why did I sleep with him? I dont think I'm the first to make this mistake! Well I had always been Pro-Life and never understood why women abort their unborn children, but I knew I had to do this and do it quick, morally I wanted done right away as I feel the more developed the baby is then I just could not do it so at 5 weeks along I did it..I medically induced miscarriage. It was hard because I did this on my own, I did not tell anyone in my family, even though my mother and sister both have had abortions and were close I still couldnt tell them I was weak...I've always been strong and I did it when I was young so why couldnt I do it a fourth time? I didnt want to, I want to finish school, be independant, help abused kids. I was so scared when I went to the clinic, of course all the protesters calling me a murderer didn't make me feel better. I had my scan that confirmed i was 5 weeks along and I cried because I was usually so happy to be in that position, but not this time. Me and about 10 other girls sat in a room together and a doctor watched each one of us swallow our pills, I held back my tears and swallowed mine. The nurses explained everthing that was going to happen and I was scared shitless thinking I was going to die!!!! I inserted my other four pills 6 hours later and withing four hours I started bleeding, I barely had any cramps, maybe because my uterus is strong from all those babies I had, but i bled all night and the next day I passed a huge clot, I assumed that was my pregnacy. I feel so bad that this was so easy and pain free for me its been six days and I feel good, I still have annoying bleeding that will probaly last another couple weeks but other than that I'm great...I did have cramps a few days after I took the pills but thats normal and pain pills helped. I say that I will carry this to my grave and I am ashamed of ever putting myself in a position like this but honestly I also feel relieved and a life lesson has been learned. Ladies protect yourselves and stand up for our rights...
Jollymama Jollymama
2 Responses Nov 3, 2010

oh! Feel sorry for u though i don't like illegal physical relationship and abortion.

I am so sorry you had to take this path in your life, but like you said you are not the only one who made a mistake. My husband and I will be divorced very soon and I gave in too and for some silly reason my brain just shut off! I have two children with him and our youngest is 7 months old and my daughter is 2 years old. We used a condom but I got pregnant and I keep asking my self why? There is no way for me to take care of 3 little ones on my own! I would of loved it just as much but there is no way for me to start a new life, going back to work and starting school again! I had my abortion yesterday and I feel it was the right thing to do. They said I was very early, maybe 4 weeks along. I think you should talk to someone about this, I don't want this to sneak up on you in the future. I was so scared to tell my family because my husband is the biggest loser and I was so scared what they would think of me if I had told them. But my mother and my sister are giving me support and it made me feel better..just talking to someone that will not judge you can make you feel so much better. This is something we decided to do and we will have to live with this for our whole life's, but we don't have to go thru this alone..You said that your mother and sister had an abortion too, I think talking to them about it will help you get past this even if you feel ok about it..I feel ok about it too but I know I will always wonder what if? Best of luck to you and your babies :) I hope everything will turn out great for you!