Post

Not Sorry

I knew something was up when I started craving tomatoes. I hate the usually, bu this day they were all I could think about. The cravings got weirder and I hadn't had my period yet. My boyfriend bought a pregnancy test home.I waited in bed while he timed the test. It was positive. I kept thinking that it was wrong. We couldn't support a baby. I can't even afford health insurance. I took the second on in the box and it said the same thing.
I went to planned parenthood the next day and they confirmed it. After jumping through a bunch of hoops I got medical assistance.
I got a bunch of packets on what I could do with the pregnancy. I could have the baby, which would ruin me financially or give it up for adoption or have an abortion.  I got really sad because I never thought I'd have to do this. My boyfriend told me what ever choice I made, he'd be happy about.
I really thought good and hard about it. I visited websites, read other women's testimonies and decided that abortion was the best choice. I don't think of the embryo in my womb as a person. There are dozens of them made in laboratories that die because they have genetic problems and aren't implanted. I also don't believe in God. I think the whole idea of a omniscient being that has nothing better to do then judge me is stupid and pointless.
I also don't think I should put my life on hold just because the condom we used failed. It's not my fault. I didn't plan this. There is no fate or reason, it was just a fluke. I hope one day I can support myself and children and give them things I never had.
I went to PP again and was met by protesters holding signs of dead fetuses. Some of these late term abortion photos weren't even done in the states. It's disgusting that they lie to everyone and try to make them feel horrible. One protester yelled "Protect your precious baby!" and a man by the door said "Hi are you have an abortion today miss?" I walked past him like he didn't exist, he had no right to ask me that.
.At the clinic I got to see what my pregnancy looked like. To me it looked like a sea monkey or maybe a toenail. It looked nothing like a baby. I took the pill because I feel like its more natural.
I don't think it would be fair to bring another child into this world when I don't have the means to support it. I know so many people who do. I want my children to have more than they need and not have to worry about where our next meal is coming from. Also, I know how bad adoption can be. I've had friends who were put up for adoption and got abused severely. I couldn't stomach knowing that my child is out there suffering.
My embryo has no feeling consciousness or brain. It will have no idea it ever existed.
Yesterday, I took the second dosage of this pill. I had to wait 24 hours after the first one. I was feeling really sick. I went home from work. I almost snapped out on one of my coworkers for inferring that I was sick because I was pregnant. He tried to touch my stomach. I almost slapped him.
After a few hours of sleeping I took the anti nausea pill and 30 minutes later the pain pills, one percaset. I was feeling pretty out of it by the time I took the last 4 pills for the abortion to start.
An hour later, I had the worst cramps I had ever felt. I couldn't sit, lay down or do anything. The pain was horrible. Since I only took half the dosage of the percaset, I took another. I don't remember what I felt like after that, probably just feel asleep.
LivDragonfly LivDragonfly 22-25, F 8 Responses Dec 2, 2010

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I agree. I look at people everyday who have kids they can't afford. They paint on these happy faces, pretending everything is Okay, but they have to work so hard in order to make ends meet. They turn into burn-out shells and nothing is left of their former self. That's no way to raise a kid. I'd hate having a child who has to worry if he/she is going to be able to eat. Thank you for your comment.

Look, ending the pregnancy was the right thing to do. You can't afford a baby, and no one has any right to force it upon you.<br />
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British Physicians know that in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy, the brain structures to experience anything do not exist.<br />
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Therefore, having an abortion is morally neutral.<br />
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The Bible is insane, Bronze-Age barbarism, and the fanatics have no right to judge you about doing this.<br />
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The Anti-Abortion fanatics have murdered Dr. George Tiller, Dr. David Gunn, and Dr. Barnett Slepian.<br />
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The Pro-Abortion side has not even said anything that is not mild-mannered.<br />
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No, these anti-abortion nuts need to shut up and let people end pregnancies as needed.<br />
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Many of these same Anti-Abortion nuts are the same ones who make it hard economically to raise children, but this is not an economics board.

thank you. That means a lot to me.

I wish you love and joy, peace and understanding.

Thank you! I understand some of their points too, but I had to...it was difficult but so are many things in life.

LivDragonFly - <br />
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I'm sorry you went through so much physical and emotional pain. The protestors would certainly be difficult to deal with. I'm Christian and understand their cause, but those protestors went about it in the wrong way. Having pictures of aborted babies is too much and then asking you if you were having an abortion today concerns me. I thought they were supposed to offer women help and options, not judge and condemn them the way you experienced. I apologize to you as a Christian.<br />
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I too had an abortion years ago and it was difficult for me but I am healing. You're strong LivDragonFly and I hope you get past this quickly.

thanks. There are so many judgmental people in this world, I feel like I don't always have people I can count on to talk about it to.

you did what you had to do for good reasons never let it get you down