I Cant Get Over The Abortion

i have been with my husband for 13 yrs married for 7 together we have three children. four years ago i found out i was pregnant with our fourth child. our third child was 11 wks old at the time. there is a only 12 mnth age gap between the two youngest, we had discussed the issue of not having anymore. i had asked him to have a vasectomy because i cannot take the pill and other hormone related contraceptives. but he would not go ! he said that if i had the baby he would leave us and he didnt want the baby there is no way i could support the four of us on my own with out major upheaval for the kids i couldnt do it.
so i went after the discussion at the clinic they refused to carry it out as i was so emtional upset by the thought of abortion, so i came home we then had massive rows the next day i went back on my own and went through with it . it was the worst mistake of my life, i realised the day after what a huge mistake i had made after a month i explained to him i wanted another child, however he then informed me he had been for a vasectomy and that wasnt going to happen- how doctors can do that we are married i think i should of been asked.consulted something ? i begged him many times for a reversal and he agreed but never went back.
its my birthday today and there is not a day goes by when i dont think about it. i getting to old for another child i'm in my late 30's i still cry and i hate him for it yet we are still together ? i have been to counselling and physics it pain that never goes away and still makes me cry even when iam typing this. is there anyone in the same postion?
lumelume lumelume
3 Responses Dec 26, 2010

I am in my thrid year of college and I realized lat spring I was pregnant. My boyfriend an I have a very strong relationship, however we were not ready FINANICIALLY in the least bit. I don't think I will ever get over it. It was the biggest mistake of my life. The entire time I was there I knew I shouln't go thru with it, but I did anyway. I miss my child terribly. I continue to seek support from the two people in my life who know, but there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my child. I saw a billboard the other day that read " Mommy why didn't you give me the chance you had?" That is something I will never forget.

01134asiam thanks for your words of Hope.<br />
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Yes i am thinking when my health is better, i am know monitoring some tumors that have grown on me. Sometimes i feel sad because there are women that tell me i should have taken the risk, because the baby is in first place than the mother, but is not just that, also the possible baby was on risk, maybe not maybe yes, the risk was for both. And beside that an unloving father that was always with another girl and did not wanted at all the possible baby. So many things happened to me at the same time.<br />
But i hope to get better, and adopt a baby, or that i can meet a men that truly love me and respect me, and if he have children much better, so i could adopt his children like a second mother to them.<br />
But know my mother is helping me and my best friend to go thru these. An abortion is not easy, no matter it was for health reason or not it affects the same, because we lost a possible child, is like a miscarriage loosing a possible baby. I think it hurts more because when a women choose to have abortion, but in her heart she wants it, but the circunstances don't let her, it hurts just like a miscarriage of a women that could have the child and wanted too.

Sorry to hear, abortion is not easy no matter the circumstances. I did it for a medical reason and also because i dint have the support of the father. He dumped me after the abortion and told me he did not regret it. And just because he was hidden from me he was engaged. Know i lost my possible maybe, possible because i had high chance of miscarriage because of my condition. It have been 6 months since it, i am still with my up and downs. Every body told me that i did it for a valid reason, my pregnancy was a high risk and the baby also could come with problems 50%. The father even did not care about it. The father also told me that if i had it he would leave me and just send me the money cause he will not be there to love him, if he/she was born. I was feeling bad during the 3 weeks, a heavy pain, blood presure rising, i decided to have an abortion, i got scared with my health risks and the pressure of the father to do it. I know you want to have a baby to feel the emptyness of the abortion, but try to feel that emptyness with your already children. Try too understand your husband, at least he is there for you to support me. The father of my possible baby , just dumped me and treated me badly, used me, lie to me. So if each day i am trying to get better, i know also you can because at least you have other children. for me is always going to be a risk for having children....Some times i regret it, because i could take the risk and harm my health, but what is something happened to me, if the child was born with a severe condition, nobody would adopt him/her because adoptive parent just ask for healthy children....So maybe it was the most sad thing i could do, but it was the best in a way for not bringing a child to suffer...because suffering in life if the worst thing........it will never be easy living with it, most for us women, because the father know is very happy with his fiance, he just acted like anything never happened.. I was just 4 weeks, i know that i was already having symtoms of miscarriage, but it feel so sad, miscarriage or abortion it feel the same way, so no matter i had an abortion or miscarriage i will feel the same way...please take care and get the support you need with your children and try to be connected to your husband, so you can have a happy family..