:( Had Mine Today

I found out i was pregnant about 2 weeks ago . I had all symtoms being sick , tender swollen boobs and cramps . When the doctor came and told me it was positive i just had a break down i never thought this would happen to me and wondered how i could have been so stupid . I thought wow this isnt fair , im not ready for a child yet , i'm still at college gof t work ambitions and other battles im facing . The relationship with my partner is very scary and crazy.So i decided it would be best to have an abortion , all though i always used to say i will never have one . I knew i would feel really guility and bad for what i was doing and i still dont know if i have thought it out properly . Maybe my boyfriend telling me i have too and that theres going to be problems if i dont get rid.Today i went to the mariestopes in london clinic for abortions , i had fasted for 6 hours went in and waited waited waited . Then finally my name was called , i decided to do the pill as they said this would be best since i was only 6 weeks . I went alone and felt so lonely i had no one friends saying they would come didnt turn up , my boyfriend well i knew he wouldnt be awake. I get home after the pill crying crying  and i cant quite get the reason as to why i feel so upset . I decided that all my friends hate me and i feel depressed and thought life would really be better if i wasnt here . My boyfriend hates me too , i rang him up needing support and comfort and all i get is him acting like its  a walk in the park its nothing . And starts bring up so much random talk , hes kinda skitz and all my friends say he is so bad for me but he can be so nice to me too sometimes. He was awful today he called me a slag , told me to kill myself , called me fat and ugly and everything under the sun . Just cause i rang him up crying , i dont think he can handle girls crying well its what he says , but of course im going to be upset after what has just happened . I feel truly alone in this now , my friends let me down my boyfriend has let me down .

I have to go back to the clinic tomoz to take 4 more tablets that disolve in the mouth , apaz i will start to bleed really heavily after that and shake like im cold and feel sick . Im really dreading this and now i feel in such a muddle with no one . I thought i would get through this at the start but now i feel so alone and unhappy
lucylost lucylost
18-21, F
4 Responses Jun 2, 2011

Its really hard to trust people when something like this happens. I felt shameful too. Maybe you can't depend on your boyfriend but maybe there's a friend/family memeber you can lean on? It might seem impossible but people that honestly care about you will support you, even if they don't really understand how you feel.<br />
<br />
You weren't stupid and this wasn't your fault. You have a life in front of you, and you chose the path that was best for you. The good news is you found a place that you can share your experience with and none of us will judge you. I wish you the best.

Hi girl, it's going to be ok. Your life will be back as your own soon. You can ditch that boyfriend and spend sometime on yourself enjoying things that make you happy and figuring out where you want to be in life. I'm sure your friends don't hate you. Some may not understand what you're going through; some won't know what to say. Some may be scared to talk about it. Just know that you are not alone! You have this wonderful online community to share with, and we are all real people who all really understand first-hand what you're going through. We're here if you need us, to vent, ask questions or share stories with. Take care and hold on!

I know it sounds too late to stop you, so look into Rachel's Vineyard ministries. They can try to help you with all you're feeling. I had 2, and yes, I lost both relationships. I had no feelings for either of my boyfriends after I had the abortions, and your boyfriend sounds like a real scum. Your feelings are normal, you are losing a child. It's the rest of the world that is off. The preach and preach, but until you put your money where your mouth is and have one, they have NO IDEA what they are talking about; to them it's just a concept. Please look into counseling; there are plenty out there; just look on the internet. I am praying for you.

Hi Lucylost<br />
<br />
I just read this and wanted to tell you that you are NOT alone! You are making the choice that is right for you. I'm sorry that your friends aren't supporting you. I support you. I just found out that I'm pregnant and have been looking at options all day. I've decided to have an abortion next week. I found this site because I feel like I can't talk to any of my friends. I think a lot of women in the world are probably feeling some of the same things you are. So you see, you're not alone after all :)