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Christians--help!--anyone Have This Story? Feel Like I Am Alone!

My husband and I have been married for 15 years with 2 beautiful, healthy children. We always wanted a large family. We became pregnant with our third child and were thrilled. We soon found out through blood tests and an amniocentesis that our child had Down's Syndrome. We are Christians and always thought that we would NEVER do this sort of thing and were somewhat judgmental towards those who would consider it. I know that is not the Christian thing to do but we are human! We decided that for the sake of our 2 beautiful, healthy children to end the pregnancy. It was done 2 weeks and 1 day ago. We are devastated by what we have done! I have seen a Christian Counselor, a Psychiatrist, started a Bible study, etc.. but cannot get the act of KILLING MY BABY out of my mind! I would like to hear from anyone who was in a position like ours. I seem to only read about those who had abortions at a very young age and then find the Lord, etc. We are very different. We are in our late thirties and have always known the Lord. This is such a struggle for us and we are trying to keep a "strong" face for our two kids. God forbid they ever find out--what would they think of their mom and dad??

buster0824 buster0824 31-35 3 Responses Mar 14, 2008

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I am so struggling with this right now. My husband and I already have 5 children and I have had abortions 2 before I was a Christian and married. It took 15 years to feel forgiven and now I have done this again. I am a horrible person and I cant stand myself anymore. I feel like my husband pushed me once again to do this and I actually told him that he is making me choose between him and God. I mean he has had an affair and I have aborted two others and now that I thought we were ok, this happens. We have a child in college and money is tight but I can't forgive myself for not standing up for this baby in fear that my husband would leave or reject the baby or me. Now I know I made a fatal mistake and cant take it back. Even though I know God can forgive me, I cannot forgive myself. I am miserable and on top of all of this, I lied. I told everyone that I had a miscarriage to escape the shame and guilt and disgust I have for all of this. I wish I could vanish or disappear. I am a liar and a murderer.

Hi. I am curious how you are<br />
Today with your past decision? <br />
My husband and I made the same decision due to the high risk of me dying. I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. Yes, I love the Lord. But we chose abortion.... Fear<br />
Over faith. <br />
Please share? <br />
Kathy

Hi Buster0824,<br />
<br />
I will certainly keep you and your family in my prayers. I am Christian and have two children. I had an abortion 15 years ago so I may be like 'the others' that you're describing. :) My husband and I also are planning on having more children. The best thing to do in your situation is to ask God for Mercy on you and your husband. I have asked God for Mercy before. I just heard a homily recently that said that Mercy is the act of forgiving where it is not deserved. Let me repeat, I have asked for Mercy many many times before. This is why we are human. We make errors, some more grave than others. God is more merciful than any of us humans understand. All we know is what a human capacity of mercy can withstand. You have a beautiful blessed untouched soul in heaven that you can ask to pray for you now. One thing I'd advise for future with your husband. When your OBGyn asks if you want an amnio done, just say no thank you. Ask yourself if it matters what is wrong with your child? If one of your current children lost both arms tomorrow, would you look to give them back or would you love it all the more? Your children are treasures. A friend here in my town recently lost a son who died at the age of 12. The doctors said he wasn't going to survive for a week. My friend had prayed to God for a disabled child in her early years, not truly understanding the sacrifice she was asking to endure. He had a terrible condition with his spine, it would not grow straight. They expected 600 at his funeral and about 2500 came and stood outside the church. On his funeral service program said the poem, "I have had a voice to sing, to rejoice in everything. Now love's sweet eternal song, breaks the darkness with the dawn. Brothers do not weep for me, Christ, the Lord has set me free. Oh my friends remember this, Pain is not unhappiness.