Surgical And Medical

I had two abortions in the past year. The first one was in July of last summer. I was on birth contol but missed some pills. I had even taken a Plan B just to be safe but I still got pregnant. The decision was hard, I went back and forth a lot, cried a lot. Thank god I had a supportive boyfriend. We ultimately decided ending the pregnancy was the best decision because I'm still in school, waiting tables, and he lost his job at an autobody shop. I opted for the surgery because I had to go back to work the next day, and the pill just scared me with the bleeding and pain. It was quick, I didn't feel anything and was home within about 3 hours.

The second time was much, much harder. I was histerical when I found out I was pregnant again. What are the chances that I'd get pregnant twice in one year? I was on the Nuva Ring this time, so I wouldn't forget to take a pill.  My due date would have been in october, right in the middle of my toughest semester of nursing school. My boyfriend and I are still stuck in our crappy jobs with no money. I wanted to keep the baby, and he wanted to keep it too, but I knew it was the right choice for us. We had to drive 2 hours out of the way to a clinic that accepted my insurance since we couldn't afford another one.

I cried the whole time I was in the waiting room. I cried when they did the ultrasound. My heart broke when I saw ultrasound. I opted for surgical again because the first time was such a breeze. Not this time. They couldn't hit a vein to sedate me, so they had to inject the sedatives into my arm. I barely felt sedated. When they started to dialate my cervix it was the worst pain I'd ever felt in my entire life. I had to stop them, I couldn't take the pain.

They offered me the abortion pill instead. I couldn't stop crying in the waiting room. As if I didn't feel guilty enough already, all these series of events made me feel even worse. Like I was making the wrong choice. On the drive home, the horrific cramps hit me. I was taking a percocet every hour for the pain. It was unbearable.

I still feel guilty just thinking about it. I push it out of my mind. It still breaks my heart when I see those ultrasound pictures in my file at the doctor's office. The guilt isn't as bad now but it still hits me when I see babies, or walk by the baby isles in stores. I know I could never afford a baby right now. I just wish the guilt would go away completely.
colormeblind colormeblind
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 21, 2011

Im sorry you feel the pain you do. If you need anyone to talk to about anything feel free to message me. I had the medicated abortion and it was just as horrible as you described it. Just remember when the time is right you will have an amazing little baby and be able to provide for it just as you always wanted.

pregnant two times in 1 year! wow you are very fertile. How far along were you before you got the abortions? I was 7 weeks and 1 day the day i got my abortion. I do not regret it at all, well actually i do because i was in the middle of having a miscarriage when they started the abortion.<br />
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Obviously you can get pregnant and when the time is right you will be able to have a baby.

Hi!<br />
My due date was gonna be october like yours... I feel the same when I go around babies or baby stores, the guilt and regret still here, some days are worse than others,but I;m taking one day at a time. Writing in this forum has helped a lot... I'm here if you wanna talk.