One Week After My Abortion.

I can't help feeling like I took the easy way out. I know it was the right decision and I have no regrets. I do not in anyway feel guilty in relation to the embryo itself, I do however feel slightly guilty because I'm questioning whether I took the easy option. I'm not good at challenging myself and I will often take the easiest paths in day-to-day things, even if it is less fulfilling. This however is a much bigger deal. I would be a great mother. I am 100% certain that I want to have children one day, but I have just turned 20 and am at university so it was the right decision to abort because I'm simply not ready. But on some level I feel like I did the thing that meant I could resume life as it was instead of continuing the pregnancy and accepting the different path of my life, because I know I would be a great mother even at this age. I resist change, because it scares me. I do not like being out of my comfort zone. I have a plan: finish uni, get a job, meet someone, get married, have kiddies. So, I'm worried that I 'wimped out' because I'm too much of a coward to take a different pathway to the one I imagined I would have. This is completely irrelevant to the decision of whether or not I should keep the baby, I should really emphasise that. This is about whether or not I chose the decision that meant I could stick to the 'plan' as opposed to being brave and taking a leap of faith into a pathway I had not planned for but would still be fulfilled by. NOT whether or not I should have kept the baby for the sake of 'saving' it. I'm not sure if this makes sense... does anyone understand what I'm saying?
YoullBeFine YoullBeFine
6 Responses Sep 8, 2011

I've never had an abortion, but from what I know/ read/ seen friends experience, there is NO easy way out- emotionally, mentally, physically- this is a big life experience and you have to chalk it up to that.

thats so mean that you had an abortion! i cant believe it . Shame :/ x

How dare you judge me, I won't take it! Shame on YOU. For heavens sake this is a group for support. If you can't handle stories about abortion, maybe you shouldn't be looking in a group called 'I Had An Abortion.' Keep your beliefs to yourself please, I'm in need of support right now and I'm hurt and shocked you would go out of your way to say such a thing. You can keep your x's to yourself too, that does absolutely nothing to soften the blow. Have some compassion!

i never said that i was perfect! im just in that group of people that really believes that having an abortion is not the right option! i viewed this group to read some of the stories and to see if if there was any reason to change my mind about my opinion. it didn't help if you must know. i know that this was her decision and that she has to deal with it for the rest of her life but i have my my opinions and she does too! for Gods sake chill out a bit..

You are brave you did not take the easy way out because trust me i sat there and cried to my mom about how i just took the easy way out, but there is nothing easy about a mother deciding not to have her child. It was the most difficult decision of my life and it will be the most difficult decision you had to make but you didnt take the easy way out.

Thank you very much, I'm starting to see that now and hopefully as time goes on I will be more comfortable with my decision. Do you mind if I ask how long ago you had an abortion? I'm trying to work out how long the healing process is... (obviously it's different for everyone though!)

What responsibility did the man who made you pregnant take for this....what support did he give you? When you engage in sex, condom or no condom, both are equally responsible. Yes you did take the easy way out, but he did also. You would not have been the first woman to work her way through college with a baby. I am not condemning you at all, just stating facts. You will be forgiven and if you learned a lesson from it, it was worth the experience. Unfortunately, few young people today understand the responsibilities, and the consequences of having unmarried, unprepared for pregnancy, sex.

Yes he gave me lots of support and he felt awful, like it was all his fault. We have been in a loving relationship for 2 years. I know that is would have been possible for me to care for a child but the reason I chose not to was because it would be a burden at this stage in my life since I have many things I want to do before I have children. I agree that not enough people are responsible about sex, we are not those people though, we're very careful with contraception. We were just extremely unlucky. As for learning a lesson and the experience being worth it, I'm not sure about that just yet. Can you suggest a lesson I could learn? At this stage I believe it was due to bad luck (because we used several preventative methods) but I'm very open minded, if you'd like to share one it might help give me a better perspective! Also at this stage it is hard to see a silver lining to the situation but I believe one will come to light eventually. I would still rather it not have happened at all though. Thank you for your comment!

I understand there are times when you can feel like you took the easy way out but trust me when I say this... There are other things to challenge yourself with and feel guilty about and this isn't one of them. Take the stairs next time instead of the elevator, try to stay aware from any electronics for a day, take extra classes at school, volunteer somewhere, run a marathon... now those are challenges. <br />
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I think the idea of an abortion being the easy way out is subjective and you're not giving yourself enough credit. It is possible to think of your experience as a challenge. Sometimes we go through experiences to prove that we CAN handle the stress or the responsibility and struggle through it but being able to recognize that you're not ready and you're ok with that decision and actually act upon it can be an even bigger challenge for some.

Thank you so much, that really puts it into perspective. I'm beginning to realise more and more that it was just as brave for me to decide to go through with it. and it WAS a challenge, a big one. Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it.

Also, this isn't to do with the decision but just some more thoughts about whole thing... I feel like this didn't deserve to happen to me because I did so many things to prevent it. I was about to begin going on the pill (just waiting for my period so I could start), so my boyfriend and I were still using condoms. When it broke this time, I took the morning after pill. Yet I still got pregnant. Did this happen to anyone else? On some level I feel like the pregnancy was meant to happen because despite my planning on going on the pill, despite our using condoms in the meantime, and despite taking the morning after pill after the condom failed, I still fell pregnant. Perhaps it was meant to be? I am a huge believer in fate, so I'm thinking that if it was meant to be then I wouldn't have gone through with the abortion. But then again, this embryo was created against (potentially) 3 different forms of contraception. I try not to think about it like that but does anyone else feel the same?<br />
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On another note, it physically sickens me when I think about what kinds of tools went up my cervix during the proceedure. Of course I was unaware at the time, but the thought of things being stuck up there to suck it out and to SCRAPE the walls of my uterus (this horrifies me the most!). Just the thought of those utensils going inside me makes me feel awful. Like a grape being stuffed onto a toothpick. And just the fact that nothing that external has ever gone that far into me internally. My uterus was untouched before, and now it's had tools manually stuffed into it. It makes me shudder. I'm really worried I won't be able to return to my normal sex life, that I won't be able to stop thinking about it and just clamp up. Did anyone have trouble having sex again after an abortion?