One Week After My Abortion.
I can't help feeling like I took the easy way out. I know it was the right decision and I have no regrets. I do not in anyway feel guilty in relation to the embryo itself, I do however feel slightly guilty because I'm questioning whether I took the easy option. I'm not good at challenging myself and I will often take the easiest paths in day-to-day things, even if it is less fulfilling. This however is a much bigger deal. I would be a great mother. I am 100% certain that I want to have children one day, but I have just turned 20 and am at university so it was the right decision to abort because I'm simply not ready. But on some level I feel like I did the thing that meant I could resume life as it was instead of continuing the pregnancy and accepting the different path of my life, because I know I would be a great mother even at this age. I resist change, because it scares me. I do not like being out of my comfort zone. I have a plan: finish uni, get a job, meet someone, get married, have kiddies. So, I'm worried that I 'wimped out' because I'm too much of a coward to take a different pathway to the one I imagined I would have. This is completely irrelevant to the decision of whether or not I should keep the baby, I should really emphasise that. This is about whether or not I chose the decision that meant I could stick to the 'plan' as opposed to being brave and taking a leap of faith into a pathway I had not planned for but would still be fulfilled by. NOT whether or not I should have kept the baby for the sake of 'saving' it. I'm not sure if this makes sense... does anyone understand what I'm saying?