Going To Have A 2nd Abortion And Feel AwfulI am an emotional wreck and I don't know where to start. First off, I am 33 and I already have 2 wonderful daughters in elementary school, and while the idea of having another baby does not scare me, the fact that I cannot financially afford it does. About 2 years ago I met a wonderful man whom I adore with all of my heart. He is wonderful to my children and treats them as if they were his own..he also has 2 children, one he sees and the other, the mother took off long ago and he knows nothing of her location, which is very hard on him. Anyhow, a little over a year ago, I had my first abortion. When I was much younger I believed that abortion is a woman's right but that it wasn't something that I would ever do. Then I got pregnant last year and I was devestated, I knew I was in no position to bring a child into this world and the wonderful man and I had only been together less than a year, we weren't living together, and that kind of stress just wouldn't be good to bring a baby into. My job wasn't stable and there was just no way I could afford another child. It wasn't practical and so even though it pained me greatly I knew the decision was the correct one. After the abortion I immediately got on birth control and things were fine. Last year was one bad year for me. I quit my job that I had been at for 3 years to take on a better position only to be let go one week later. I lost my apartment at the time and moved back in with my parents, only after borrowing money from them to try and make things work until I got another job. I ended up getting another job in June and was back on my feet by August, moved to a new city and started a great job, even got the kids into a fantastic school. My persc
This is where I am frustrated, I know that I am making the right decision of having an abortion, because its not ok to bring a child into this world that cannot be taken care of financially, between my children and their medical and dental issues and now his daughter coming to live with us, there is no way we could take on a baby. My problem is that I feel guilty as sin. How could I possibly be so irresponsible as a person and allow this to happen a second time? How is it that I can make a decision to have an abortion and not feel like it's the wrong thing? I mean I am taking a life somehow aren't I? I am just so worried about how bad this makes me feel as a person and I guess that is just something I am going to have to deal with..When I told my wonderful guy, he started to cry, he was upset, the timing isn't right and we barely make it paycheck to paycheck as it is and we will have another child living with us soon enough as well. Oh, and did I mention we are a one income family? I am the sole provider. My wonderful man has epilepsy and while he hasn't had seizures in a few years, he is not medically cleared to work, which I don't mind as I love having a stay-at-home father. The kids enjoy it and thrive from it, but it does make things tough financially, and I also do not get any child support from my ex either because he doesn't make enough to provide the girls with anything. There are so many negatives with having a baby that I know in my heart it's the right thing to do, but why do I feel so bad? Does it make me a horrible person knowing that I have to do this because I can't give another child a life? I just don't want to bring a baby into this world knowing that it would be a struggle to take care of it thus making everyone else suffer as well. That isn't fair and I don't want to hurt anyone else. I just want to try to take care of what I have and do so successfully. I am blessed with two beautiful girls and that is all I need. I am just going to try to take this as another lesson learned, communication is key. I am going to focus on the kids I have and give them my best. I would love to hear if anyone else can relate because right now I have never felt so alone.
jenberger 31-35, F 3 Responses 1 Jan 5, 2012