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Pre-abortion

I feel odd writing this, but I need a form of support. A couple days ago i realized my period was late and took a test. The result wasn't very clear, so I panicked and had my boyfriend get me more. They all were positive. I cant/couldn't tell my mother, so I got money out of the bank, did my research, and made a plan. I called planned parenthood from the school bathroom, and every time i said the word "abortion", my cell phone lost service. I was distraught, and just went back to class and waited for my friend to pick me up. I called again and made the appointment. The woman said I cant be seen until the second. I just want this to be over. I'm starting to get morning sickness and various other symptoms. I have support, but only from my best friebd and boyfriend. I wasn't sure where else to go but here. I'm so terrified for the abortion itself. It's only the pill, not surgery, but that isnt lessening my fears. If I had a baby now, i would be a disappointment to me. and my fsmily. This is absolutely the right decision, I'm just overwhelmed. Thank you for listening.
jay311 jay311 18-21 19 Responses Jan 22, 2012

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look jay. the women here are making it seem like an abortion is not a big deal. it is, while they tell you that it is not a baby and what not, i think you know better. think about it..what will dissapoint your family even more: you being a single mom or you having an abortion.



if you have the abortion on your own you will have to keep this secret with you forever, unless you tell your family. once your family finds out, i do not think they will be so proud of you, so you having the abortion will be futile, since it seems you want to have the pregnancy for them not to feel disapointed. you are not alone, abortions and pregnancies are a family matter. we live in a world where as families were are not so united. we know more about our favorite stars than we know about our children or siblings or parents.



there is a lot of support out there if you decide to have a the child. there are lots of options, you can have your baby and give your baby up for adoption. look at it this way, you will do 2 good things: 1 you are gonna give a baby a chance at life and 2 you will make a couple pretty happy. where as if you kill your baby you will do just that, you will become a killer and you will end a life.



i know being pregnant is freaking scary,there is always the feeling of lonelyness, of insecurity, you are like omfg what am i going to do. people think they are not ready, in fact people are never ready to have children, not even if you have money, a career and if you are 30 or so. there is nothing that can prepare you for that..but you learn as you go along.



i bet your parents have made mistakes, you have made mistakes, i have made mistakes, life does not have guarantees at all. when it comes to life, you just got to get your hands dirty, but at the end its all worth it. i bet you are having a ****** time right now, but you have also had some good times right? that is life, is full of crap but its also full of cool moments.



dont fall into despair, if you need help, there are lots of people that are willing to help you. people online, people offline, everywhere people are gonna help you. there is still good people in the world, there is still people out there that care, and i am pretty sure..well at least i hope your family is gonna be there for you. of course, they might be pissed that you are pregnant, it is the dream of every mom and dad to see their kid get married, but then they get over it. you know why? they cannot stay mad at you cuz the love you. the love of a parent is very powerful..one day you will see what am talking about.



it is your decision,but trus me..its not that bad..having an abortion is a permanent solution, u cannot bring your baby back, but having your baby..once you have it you have 1,000 options..worse case scenario give me the child and i will raise him or her as my own.

I tried Being nice and mature, However xxxmanlive, you still don't seem to know when your opinion is not wanted, Or needed. so, kindly, **** off (: have a lovely evening.

jay311, you are able to delete comments on your own story if you don't want them there. Perhaps xxxmanlive's comments don't add any value? I hope you will take the many other comments to heart and truly think this through.

Don't listen to the tactics of those who try and pass off bullying as civil discourse. Such people rarely have anything of value to contribute since they would rather fling insults at you from their moral high ground than talk to you like a civilized human being. Don't let anyone friends, family, (and lets not forget vile internet trolls) have any influence over your decision simply meditate on what you feel would be best and go with what your heart and head decides. I wish you all the best during this difficult time.

omg..now all the baby killers are flocking here. what is your problem, you know what you did was wrong. why are you trying to make it seem as it is not a big deal.



why dont you hold this woman accountable for her actions. she did it. she was not forced, she did not use potentials. actions have consequences and she must pay for them. if you spit on the air it will fall on your face. it is simple logic.



stop feeling sorry for your self..or at least never open your legs again.

omg..now all the baby killers are flocking here. what is your problem, you know what you did was wrong. why are you trying to make it seem as it is not a big deal.



why dont you hold this woman accountable for her actions. she did it. she was not forced, she did not use potentials. actions have consequences and she must pay for them. if you spit on the air it will fall on your face. it is simple logic.



stop feeling sorry for your self..or at least never open your legs again.

Why are you all crucifying this girl? You say you're religious but you are showing no compassion. You have no idea how it feels. You're obviously on this group to bully people going through a hard time.

Why are you all crucifying this girl? You say you're religious but you are showing no compassion. You have no idea how it feels. You're obviously on this group to bully people going through a hard time.

Abortion is a difficult decision to make. Do what is right for you is my belief. The earliest the better to carry out your choice. If you had a supportive family and you could weather the storm so to speak to give a childless couple a baby that would be nice. But alot of young people don't have that support, so sometimes a discreet decision and action is the best that can be done.

I am not registered on this site, so this may not work, but let me say that it is your decision what you do--and--you alone will have to live with the decision. I would encourage you to CONFIRM with a physician, that you are INDEED pregnant, and then, if so, continue the pregnancy. I have spoken with people who deeply regret abortions they have had. If you do not want to be a mother, you can give this child up for adoption. I have spoken with adoptive parents who have waited years for a child they can rear as their own. Remember this: a LARGE percentage of pregnancies are unplanned...even with people who are married and/or in stable relationships. Your parents may be more supportive than you think--they were young once, too, and faced similar experiences among their peers or themselves.

Jay311, I support you, and I want to give you another perspective -- from a mother. My son is 15 months old, and he is the joy of my life. Before having him, I could never imagine doing the things that I have already done since he's been born, e.g., getting a college degree, starting my own business. Motherhood does not end your life, but it changes your life. For me, it has been a wonderful change. I realize that you may not think that you are ready, but you're never REALLY ready for a baby. You can't really anticipate the changes that will happen until they've already happened, and I think that's part of the reason that women think that they can't raise a baby.



It is entirely possible that you could have this baby and end up more successful doing it. Your baby could motivate you to achieve your dreams in ways that you never thought possible. I speak from experience, because that is exactly what my son has done for me. At 25, I couldn't have imagined I would already own my own business, but it has happened not in spite of but because of the child that I had after an unplanned pregnancy.



I don't cast judgment on you for any decision that you will make, but I do want to let you in on a secret: motherhood is an absolutely incredible experience, one that you only really appreciate after you see the baby you created staring back at you. I would hate for you to miss it because of fear or because you think you will be able to please someone else by not having a baby. Anyone that doesn't approve of you having a child WILL get over it. Grandparents are programmed to adore their grandchildren.



I realize that you may not be ready and you may already have made your decision. I just wanted to offer you a different perspective in the hopes that you will learn more about how wonderful motherhood is. I saw in your comment that you said you were in school. I was also in school when I had my son. I stayed in school throughout my pregnancy and got my degree shortly after he was born. I'm not sure how old you are, but I wanted to let you know that you can do it, if it's what you want to do.



People will always have something to say. What really matters is what your heart says. I wish you the best in making this very difficult decision. Please contact me directly if you would like to talk. :)



I do have a question: why would you be a disappointment to yourself for having a baby?

If you need comfort i am here for you. I hate to see judgemental people on this group! if you have not had an abortion or concidering an abortion you should not be here! hunny do what you think is right no one can make this decision for you, i know that is not what i wanted to hear when i was deciding but it is the truth. no one is in the exact same situation as you right now, and untill they are they can not decide for you. I had one august of last year. I was engaged and everything but I just could not afford a baby and it would put off my career for many years. plus when I have a child I want to be able to give it the best life possible and I just can not do that right now. I am with the person i want to spend the rest of my life with, but it just isnt the right time. Me and my best friend got pregnant around the same time, she chose to keep her baby and now she is not with the guy she was engaged to and miserable living from house to house. EVERYONES SITUATION IS DIFFERENT. Just know that there are people out there that will comfort you if you need it, and you are NOT a murder if you do follow through. You are a woman and you deserve the right to CHOOSE!

xxxmanlive - I think you are entitled to your opinion and that's all okay, but speaking this way does NO ONE any good! You are abusive in how you express your views! Please learn to express your opinion in another way.



Jay311, I apologize for xxxmanlive's behavior... Just make sure you make the decision for you and that no one forces you or shames you into having an abortion. I had an abortion and I regret mine. It took me a long time to heal. But please know that I don't judge you for whatever you choose.

another thing..I HATE, how most women after an abortion act like its not a big deal. as if they took a **** and that is it. they form groups saying, "I had an abortion and AM NOT SORRY." you can see how in denial they are. I mean these are the same women who see kitties dying and cry about this. this are the same women who if they see a child being hit make a big deal about it. these are the same women who see a holoucaust movie and think it is so unfair.



There are many parents in hospitals all around their world who have a baby in the hospital and know their baby is going to die due to a health problem. they pray for their child to survive and on the other hand, you have those women who hire a hitman to end their baby's life.



the most inhumane thing is to kill your own child or to think that your life is going to be way better if you have a child.

This forum is for people who've had abortions. Not for people who want to guilt trip the people who have. Its not a baby. Until it can survive on its own it is merely a parasite. I think Jay is thinking about the lesser of two evils. She's looking for reassurance and support. If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all. Get off your high horse and stop preaching.

when it comes to it, what do you want to be? a single mother or a baby killer. i hate stupid women who act like victims when it comes to a pregnancy.



so, let's see if you are a victim



1. was the sex concensual



2. did you know there are condoms and stuff?



3. did you take prevention methods to not get pregnant?



4. did you know the only 1oo percent way to avoid pregnancy is abstinance?



5. did you know all this, but did not care?



i wont say anything if you were raped or something like that. but nowadays, it takes a lot to get pregnant, you should have been more responsible.



now..let me ask you..if you saw me killing a cat, what would you do? would u try to stop me, would you plead and call the police?



how about the holocaust, you know when adolf hitler killed more than a million jews? did you feel bad when you heard that story? would you have done anything to prevent the holocaust if you had a chance to?



did you know that more than a million babies are aborted world wide each day?

Thank you to the people who showed me gracious support.

Hey girl.....I'm so sorry you are in such a scary situation. I'm 21 and I've had pregnancy scares before. Please keep thinking about it.....your cell lost reception every time you said the word "abortion." .....things happen for a reason. No matter what, think of yourself but also think about your baby. What will the abortion do to your baby? People go through hardships in life. You say you'll be a disappointment to your family, but just remember the shame and guilt will go away once your family sets their eyes on your beautiful baby. The shame and guilt of abortion will never go away because you'll always be wondering, "What if?" Good luck to you and I hope everything turns out for the best. Please set this situation in God's hands......He wants what's best for you and is taking care of you and your baby at every moment.

I would just caution you in making this decision for someone else. Maybe your family would be disappointed, but they would get over it. Truly! Seek counseling to be sure before you make your decision. Crisis Pregnancy Center does free counseling. Yes they are a Christian support group, but they help you to get your entire life together and to make the best decision for YOU. They have many resources and can help you go to school and some times provide housing.



As you know, you have three options: 1) abortion 2) keeping your baby or 3) adoption. Did you know that you could have an open adoption and write the contract with the adopting family any way you want? You could have visitations with your baby whenever you wanted. Some girls set it up the visitations like you are a divorced couple with the adopting parents. The baby could live with his/her adopted parents and you could have him/her on the weekends or visit for just a few hours on the weekends , etc. It's completely up to you. You can even write the visitations to change as the baby gets older and you are older.



This is YOUR decision. Don't let ANYONE else push you into making a decision for them. Pray over you decision. This is truly when you need help! God bless and best wishes.

This is the right decision, youre just overwhelmed. Let yourself be. Its a big deal. In a society where teenage pregnancies and abortions are so common, I think people forget that its a big deal to be pregnant. Let yourself be scared. Dont be afraid to be sad, or overwhelmed. NOW is the time to crap your pants and worry.Because if you dont do it now...you'll do it later.

I've been there - I was so use to taking care of myself that I simply felt this was something else I just needed to take care of... I made the appointment my boyfriend came with me, I went in the room and went though with it all. I felt at the time i made this mess and I would have to clean it up.... I felt at the time that I was not going to be a another teen mom, I wanted more and if I was grown enough to have sex i could deal with this. When I came out of the room my boyfriend was asleep on the couch. My feelings then were valid because that is truly how I felt, I am 30 now and I have no kids that relationship (love of my life) ended with him leaving me months later to get another woman pregnant. but that is irrelevant see this journey is about you and when every thing else fade mom, dad, teachers, boyfriend, you will be left standing. If i could sit myself down and talk to the 18 year old me I would say... "Baby, having this child is not the end of the world. It's too late now, if you have the abortion you will always think what if and some days you will think you made the right decision some days you will regret ever walking into that clinic. If you have this child your life will change forever, but it already has. It will be hard and even and there will be times you may regret it. The key is how you respond to what ever decision you make. Most importantly forgive yourself NOW cause sooner or later you will have to." the truth is you can have this baby it can be your only one you can finish high school and college it will be hard but it can be done, or you can have an abortion and still end up in a dead end job miserable with your life, this does not make you or break you, your day in day out decisions on your life does that. Get quiet, listen to your inner voice, then make the choice you want to make, it is your body your choice, in the end it is you and God (who ever you believe him to be)! I wish you the best.... i wrote this through tears I dont know you but I love you and I accept your decision. You are loved you are accepted and you are stronger than you know.

You wrote it so warmly and beautifully!

if it is the right decision, why are you second guessing your self? quite frankly, why dont you think about it and talk to your family. you already did it, why are you hiding it?