Quick Decision

This pass fall, I started my freshman year at college.  I never thought I was pregant after I missed my period 2 months in a row.  I went around thinking that I was stressing out about it or that my diet changes were finally catching up with me, never once did I talk a pregancy test.  In February I started to have pains in my stomach, so I did finally tell my mother on the phone.  She became instantly worried. Since I go to school away from my hometown, my mother suggested that I go to the school clinc.

To my friends, mother, and hometown doctors there was the thought that I may be pregant. But I just knew that I wasn't.  So when I finally went to the clinc thats when they told me I was pregant.

I couln't believe that I had been so careless. I felt like I was throwing away my dream of a college education. Luckly my mother drove to my school just to come to the clinc with me.  To be honest, I wanted to scream it at her.  I had disappointed my biggest fan.  She took it well.

My mother started to tell me how I could go to school and have this baby. But my mind was made up in the room talking to the doctor...I was going to have an abortion.  There is and was no telling the father. My mother found and called our city's abortion clinc and made me an appointment for 2 days later.

Since my abortion the feeling of relief as completly left. I only feel alone. I wanted it to be my secret...but i just wanna scream it now. I want someone to comfort me. And I don't.  I'm more confussed now than I've ever been before. I still remember the ultrasound and I find myself being happier when I think about that.  Please help me understand whats going on.

scrapette08 scrapette08
18-21, F
16 Responses Mar 13, 2007

I understand your feeling of emptiness, we unfortunately learn lessons with life that will impact us emotionally forever, I understand that at the time you felt you were doing what you thought was best at the time.. I have found that praying to my child often gets me through the hardest times in my life, I also have found that when i aborted at my weakest point in life it has given me a sense of strength that nobody can take away... Your a strong women with the heart to teach those possibly facing the same situation and try to send them in the direction that will be right..It is such an heart wrenching experience and I try to help those that I feel are willing to listen to my words of experience and advice... maybe this will help you...

anthony joseph,<br />
The abortion ratio is the proportion of pregnancies (excluding miscarriages) ending in abortion. In 2003, the abortion ratio was 24%, meaning that about one-quarter of all U.S. pregnancies ended in abortion.<BR>http://www.guttmacher.org/in-the-know/incidence.html<BR><BR>What proportion of U.S. women will have an abortion in their lifetime?<BR><BR>On the basis of current abortion rates, one in three American women will have had an abortion by age 45.<BR>(same site) <BR>

i am also 22 and about to graduate college. when i was about to turn 21 a year and a half ago i found out i was 5 weeks pregnant. you know it was just a lot of things involved. first of all i am what everyone would consider a goody girl like shy and sweet and i had recently broken up with a boyfriend of 3 years and was so lonely and he was dating this really "hot" girl who was very popular and everything so i ended up hanging out with this druggie kid literally on hard drugs and i didnt even smoke or do any drugs. but i would just drink with him and hook up with him, i guess i just wanted to move on and get revenge to my ex. well when i found out i was pregnant first i was excited i was like in a daze excited, but really i was kind of in a daze for that whole time i was with that loser kid, like i was just living for the moment and trying to be someone i wasnt and not even thinking. then i went back and forth and back and forth a million times on what to do crying all day everyday. i chose the abortion because i thought that it was best for the baby. i love babies more than anything i always have and i thought that i just wanted the baby because of that for my own self and it would be selfish because it wouldnt have what it should- a dad, a mom who was responsible and all of that. and you know what- i still think about it every single day but also every day it does get easier. i know that god forgives me for this because god forgives every sin and it is sad but when you also think about it 25% of pregnancys end in a miscarriage, so if that happened to you it would be sad too but you would accept it and move on. the part that is really hard is the guilt. but 1 in 3 women have had abortions in their life and you know that if you saw another girl in your situation just like i am saying to you you would tell her to stop feeling guilty. with the elections and everything i heard a lot of pro life stuff and i felt confused again but then i set myself straight again because no one can judge you but god and he forgives you and even as i say all of this i still feel bad but its not so bad it really it just gets better with time, its been a year and a half for me and its gotten so much better. i also realized i am sad now and wish i had a baby but i shouldnt wish for things i should be thankful for what i have. everything worth waiting for is waiting for you. one day you have a baby and that will be great, but right now you do not and be grateful for what you do have now- time to work on your goals. i know how you feel about your friend. yesterday my cousin announced she is pregnant and my whole family got excited, but i had to remind myself that i need to be thankful for what i have and one day i will have that, but now i do not so be thankful for what i do have, and that being jealous of anyone is only hurting myself. i also try now to think forward....dwelling is another thing that is only hurting myself, we all live and learn- we had to learn a hard lesson, but we can learn too that we are strong enough to deal with even the worst pain which is pain within your soul- this experience just made me realize that the only thing that matters is god- we all are imperfect and we just have to be thankful to god that he forgive are sins and through that we can find peace and keep living and learning.

I had an abortion about 16 years ago, ang regret with my entire heart and soul... I feel for you and understand your pain...<br />
The only thing I can tell you is to give your child a name and talk to him/her often you will find that your child will be your strength behind everything you do.. I am here if you need to talk...

wondering if you would feel comfortable to answer some questions about your abortion <br />
please email me or post back.<br />
thanks

Jeez,<br />
I wish my mother was half as supportive as yours...I thought I might be pregnant at 16 in high school...my mother freaked out and told me I WOULD get an abortion...she was angry and didn't give me any choice...I jumped up and down and threw myself on my bed for a month...I finally got my period...but I never have been able to have kids...you had choices...I really didn't...now you have to live up to them...and I don't see why you couldn't have told the father...you had sex with him...I think you just didn't want to tell him...that wasn't fair to him really, don't you think? ...well...I'm not condemning you but we all make mistakes...some have grave consequenses...this is something you are going to have to work through, but I don't think you should have decided it so lightly...you should have been couseled, etc....you have an awesome mother...she will be there for you...

Jeez,<br />
I wish my mother was half as supportive as yours...I thought I might be pregnant at 16 in high school...my mother freaked out and told me I WOULD get an abortion...she was angry and didn't give me any choice...I jumped up and down and threw myself on my bed for a month...I finally got my period...but I never have been able to have kids...you had choices...I really didn't...now you have to live up to them...and I don't see why you couldn't have told the father...you had sex with him...I think you just didn't want to tell him...that wasn't fair to him really, don't you think? ...well...I'm not condemning you but we all make mistakes...some have grave consequenses...this is something you are going to have to work through, but I don't think you should have decided it so lightly...you should have been couseled, etc....you have an awesome mother...she will be there for you...

i had an abortion 3 weeks ago none of family know either and i doubt ill ever be able to tell them.<br />
initially i was strong about my decision but now i cant believe what i have done. my friend recently became pregnant and she was unable to go through with an abortion through guilt and everyone has been congratulating her on this unaware i recently had one.<br />
i sympathise with you 100% it was the hardest thing ive ever done and i will live with the guilt forever, although i know there is no way i would have been able to keep it as my boyfriends parents would have thrown him out and i believe mine would have done the same. my friend is lucky to have the support of her parents.

Very sad indeed, dicuss this with others yet the question will always be the same everyone knows of the formation of physical bodies, however when is the spirit conceived? Sure one could question the good in destroying a physical body for the sake of one's own ambitions or because of the situation that they reside within their lives and yet the greater question what happens to the soul that resided within the body.<BR>Many men speak well of the heavens and the celestial realms and they themselves wish to ascend to them, they believe that there is a state beyond death. Who are we to say everything ends at the physical body what of the spiritual body where will it wander and who are we to classify the realms of the spectral we know not well of it. Men are good judges of what they know well, yet they are not good judges of what they know little of. Even if you forgive yourself eventually you have to find the truth of the matter regardless of the pain it may bring. You can't rely upon others' for realization, because as it is now you performed the action, an effect has followed and only you can face the moral implications. Comtemplation upon this matter will lead to a great amount of pain however for honor of the living beaing that was sacrificed for whatever cause is an altogether nessary duty to the beaing that died and you for the sake of clarity. You cannot hide behind comfort this action lies not within the essence of comfort and neither does the result. Now I am no judge of men but I do believe that it is wise to come to a point realization about such a moral issue by comtemplation and logic.

You're spelling pregnant wrong.

ive never had one but you must be in pain hugggs to you

I think talking about it will really help you a lot. Before I told the guy I've been dating for 2yrs and a half now, I didn't feel good at all, I felt I was keeping this huge secret to myself and he could leave me and so on. So I talked to him about it, he understood, and since then, I've been finding some relief.<br />
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Now... it's also a thing about time. You've got to let your scars heal slowly, but still you have to work on it. So take advantage of this site now, talk about it, and remember the baby just wasn't born because you were not mature enough to keep him/her. <br />
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Someday you will be a good mama, as I also want to be. Someday we're gonna be grown-ups, and we'll be ready to help our children grow. I think that's your problem, basically when remembering the ultrasound thing.

I have a little bit different theory. Seems to me like you are most likely wondering what your life would have been like had you had the baby. Let me, someone who had children at a young age (19 and 20), tell you that although you could have had the baby and gave it up for adoption (I also did that when I became pregnant at 22) it would have wrecked your mind just as much.<br />
I don't know where you stand spiritually, but please don't listen to anyone tell you that you made the wrong choice. You did what was right FOR YOU.<br />
You will have other chances for babies later on in life. Hopefully, you learned from your prior choice and are taking precautions. Good luck to you. If you need anyone to talk to EVER about this, please don't hesistate to contact me on here.

I went through the same thing.I wanted to keep it this secret and just make it all go away, but now i just want to tell everyone so they understand why I get so upset and so someone will cry with me. My baby would have been born one week ago...

i had 2 abortions and i know the feeling i cried bout times and i still have the feelings of guilt and lonelyness. if you ever wanna talk add me as a friend

Sounds like apart of you wanted to keep the baby. Especially if you are having happy thought when you were going through the part of being told you are pregnant. I am going to take a guess and say you wanted to have a baby at a young age but knew you needed to get on your feet first.