I Had An Abortion
Hi, I am a 29 year old( today is my birthday) mother of two awesome boys, ages 7 and 4. I separated from their dad almost two years ago, and just signed the divorce papers last week. I have been dating my boyfriend since September of last year. I really didn't intend to form a steady relationship with him, but we fell in love and you can't really stop what we both feel was meant to be.
We had discussed previously what we would do if I were to, god forbid, become pregnant. He is 15 years older than me, and has three kids of his own. So together, that is five kids to support. We took precautions to not become pregnant, but had decided that we would not be able to keep another child. I don't think either of us ever expected or thought it might actually happen.
I realized last week that I very well could be pregnant, as I could not recall having had my period in January, and it was late for February. I did an at home test and much to my chagrin it instantly showed up as positive. I was in complete disbelief. The hardest part about finding this out is that he is currently serving a brief sentence in jail. Please don't judge us, he's not a criminal. I told him and all he could say was oh hunny, over and over. He called me back later and asked are you ok? I said yes but I just want to know what you are thinking. I had been concerned that he maybe wanted to keep the baby after all.
I know that sounds terrible. I know though, and he knows that this baby would not be healthy, as I drink probably more than is healthy. That is the main reason for deciding to terminate the pregnancy. Another huge reason is there is no way I could have a baby with us, in our home every day, and our kids are only with us part of the time due to shared custody. That guilt would be just too much. I feel, for now we are doing what is best for our family.
The really sad thing for me is not that he won't be here for it, or home until next week ( my appt is tomorrow) but that I really do want to have a baby with him. As much as I love my boys, I did not feel about their father the way I feel about my boyfriend. He's the love of my life. I feel so guilty for drinking, and not realizing I was pregnant. But as terrible and heartless and awful as I sound saying this, in a way I am grateful because we wouldn't have been able to keep it anyway, because of our kids. That's not fair to them.
I am trying so hard to be tough and strong, I have support around me. I am just so sad. The only good thing is that he has come to the conclusion that he doesn't want a vasectomy, and we can try again when we are ready and our kids are older and will understand. I would love full custody of all our kids, but I would never try to take their mom and dad from them.
I really appreciate a place to let this out, I don't feel judgement from the doctor or the clinic, the just don't care to hear the circumstances, ya know? I do feel somewhat better now, but am very anxious about tomorrow, and how I will feel after.
Thank you, you ladies stay strong out there. Xo
We had discussed previously what we would do if I were to, god forbid, become pregnant. He is 15 years older than me, and has three kids of his own. So together, that is five kids to support. We took precautions to not become pregnant, but had decided that we would not be able to keep another child. I don't think either of us ever expected or thought it might actually happen.
I realized last week that I very well could be pregnant, as I could not recall having had my period in January, and it was late for February. I did an at home test and much to my chagrin it instantly showed up as positive. I was in complete disbelief. The hardest part about finding this out is that he is currently serving a brief sentence in jail. Please don't judge us, he's not a criminal. I told him and all he could say was oh hunny, over and over. He called me back later and asked are you ok? I said yes but I just want to know what you are thinking. I had been concerned that he maybe wanted to keep the baby after all.
I know that sounds terrible. I know though, and he knows that this baby would not be healthy, as I drink probably more than is healthy. That is the main reason for deciding to terminate the pregnancy. Another huge reason is there is no way I could have a baby with us, in our home every day, and our kids are only with us part of the time due to shared custody. That guilt would be just too much. I feel, for now we are doing what is best for our family.
The really sad thing for me is not that he won't be here for it, or home until next week ( my appt is tomorrow) but that I really do want to have a baby with him. As much as I love my boys, I did not feel about their father the way I feel about my boyfriend. He's the love of my life. I feel so guilty for drinking, and not realizing I was pregnant. But as terrible and heartless and awful as I sound saying this, in a way I am grateful because we wouldn't have been able to keep it anyway, because of our kids. That's not fair to them.
I am trying so hard to be tough and strong, I have support around me. I am just so sad. The only good thing is that he has come to the conclusion that he doesn't want a vasectomy, and we can try again when we are ready and our kids are older and will understand. I would love full custody of all our kids, but I would never try to take their mom and dad from them.
I really appreciate a place to let this out, I don't feel judgement from the doctor or the clinic, the just don't care to hear the circumstances, ya know? I do feel somewhat better now, but am very anxious about tomorrow, and how I will feel after.
Thank you, you ladies stay strong out there. Xo
By:
Carlagail
Age:
26-30
