I Am Going To Have An Abortion But...

I am scared, and I have no one to help me get through this.
I am eighteen years old, a college student, and my pregnancy came out of total left field. I have always been anal about my birth control and being safe, so when I went in for a routine checkup I was blown away when my doctor announced I was pregnant. Hardly three weeks along...
I have always been pro choice, and with this unexpected event knew that keeping a child would be so unfair to the baby considering I can barely take care of myself let alone provide everything a child deserves and of course my significant other had no hesitation about pointing this out to me over and over.
My family has always been harsh and I knew from the very moment to keep it from them to save myself from any further anger and persecution that would only make this experience even harder.
With everything though, I feel like I am the only one who is having this anxiety, depression and hurt behind this.
I know I can not care for a child but I can't get rid of this feeling like I am doing the wrong thing and every time I try to talk to my boyfriend about it he just keep telling me how it is 'dumb' to feel that way because I know the reality and how having a child would ruin both of our lives at this point.
I feel extremely isolated and as tomorrow draws nearer my panic just seems to rise and I can't turn to anyone for support...
I need to know that it's not wrong to feel this way, and that I'm not being 'dumb' for feeling guilt about this decision...
HBrighten HBrighten
9 Responses Mar 24, 2012

I wanted to thank all of you for your comments, even those from the few people who clearly need to back off and not attempt to shove misinformed 'propaganda' (as some one else mentioned) down others throats. <br />
I did go through with the procedure, and your comments gave me a lot of courage and understanding to realize that I am not the only one who had gone through this and I won't be the last.<br />
I am very thankful for those that shared that they to had the same experience and I do not regret what I have done now that it has happened.<br />
It is a better choice for everyone involved, most importantly myself. <br />
Thank you all so much for giving me strength in a time of weakness!<br />

I was you.and I had an abortion 12 years ago I ultimately feel its your decision I was afreshmen in college got pregnant and you have to choose its your body he willnever understand and he cant even contemplate how you feel or your sadnesss or how scared you are I feel you are so upset or rather y I was because I knew I had to I wasn't ready and its ok if you aren't or you are you are a good person who just encountered an obstacle that will make you stronger no matter what he cant tell you what to do he can just be there

Thank you for sharing yourself with me!
I want to say because I realized I portrayed him badly that my boyfriend was nothing but supportive when it came down to this experience.
We both knew that the abortion was the way that was best for me, and he never left my side through out the entire experience making sure I was comfortable and okay.
The thing was, he looked at it logically like the physics major he is instead of emotionally, so with that he couldn't understand why I was still feeling upset if I knew it was the right thing for me.
I hope that you have peace with the procedure you had done, and I thank you so much for your support!

If you are uncertain DONT DO IT!! I was talked into it by my friends and a family member who thought having a baby at 19 would ruin my life. Sadly I had the procedure done although I wanted to keep my baby, I had never felt more empty and sad in my entire life and I wish I could go back in time and take it back. Now I'm 22 and have been blessed with a beautiful baby boy, I believe God gave me a second chance and his little soul is now my baby boy. Please think through it carefully once it's done there is no going back. best of luck to both of you.

I am sorry you were pressured, and I pray that you have peace for that area of your life. I am also thankful that you have some solace in another child, and feel at peace with that second decision.
I was more uncertain because I felt alone and alienated from everyone, but with the support I've been given here and slightly by my great boyfriend, I feel at peace with the decision.
I wish you nothing but the best!

You feel the way you feel. It's not smart or dumb, It's just the way you feel. <br />
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It's totally valid for you to have these feelings. I have had 2 abortions, and I don't regret either of them. My advice for you is to really think about what YOU want. Don't consider the father, don't consider your family. Don't think about your money situation or anything like that, just think about you having a baby. Do you want it? Are you ready for it? <br />
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Think about having an abortion. Think about everything that means to you - from just ending an unplanned pregnancy to ending a life, think about what abortion means to YOU. <br />
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You need to do some soul searching. Feeling crappy about it isn't dumb, I'd say it's pretty normal. It sucks to suddenly be forced to re-evaluate your life and everything you thought you had planned for it. After you think about it for a couple of days, then you can start considering what other people want. So your boyfriend wants you to have an abortion and might not support you if you carry to term. How important is that to you? Lots of women successfully raise kids on their own. It's not easy, but it can be done. The question is: do you want to do that? The only one who can answer that is you. <br />
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I also want to add, whatever you decide, don't let yourself be pressured into it by someone else. At the end of the day, it's your life that you are making decisions about. Most of the regret stories about abortion seem to be from people who were pressured into choosing abortion. Those that chose it freely because it was what THEY wanted tend to not suffer afterwards. <br />
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Good luck, and I hope that whatever choice you make gives you peace.

I am so thankful for you comments and want you to know that your words truly made the most impact.
I did the abortion for me, and for my future as well as the childs.
I was not pressured by my boyfriend (I think I portrayed him a bit badly, he was simply not very good helping me emotionally. he was far to logical.)
You are an inspiration, and I feel peace now that the procedure is over with and I know that feeling that anxiety was not something alien but very normal.

I did want to mention that adoption is also an option. I am not trying to insult what you are doing, and I am sorry if you already had the abortion. I simply thought I could mention it.

Thank you for the suggestion, I did go through with the procedure. The adoption route was never an option for me. My boyfriend went through the foster care system, or adoption care, and he has scars inside and out from the mistreatment and horror most foster parents had delivered.
That's not to say all adopters are bad, but I would never be comfortable with the fact that there was that possibility that a child might suffer the same way.
Thank you very much though.

Do me a favor and dont call urself dumb of course u r going to feel a certain way about what u choose to do. And u shouldnt say a child would ruin ur life it just wouldnt b the rite time for a baby. I myself was 18 when i had an abortion and when i thought about keeping it i never said the child would ruin my life all i said was it just isnt the rite time and i wanted my life back. You arent wrong for feeling the way you do just dont regret ur decision like i do

I am not dumb, and I portrayed that part a bit poorly I think.
My boyfriend thinks super logically, to the point where he will forget emotions and base everything solely off evidence. A great jury man he could be, but at time a knuckle head of a boyfriend.
You are correct, and I shouldn't say ruin, that is to strong a word or phrase and I agree with you on that.
Thank you for your support and I hope that you find as much peace with your decision as I am.

Having an abortion is not the best option for either you or the baby. what they do to the baby is absolutely horrific and disgusting and someone should never do that to a child no matter how old the baby is. <br />
if you get the abortion and you want it, you are most likely no going to regret it, but there is a chance that you will.<br />
many women who get abortions often regret it and become depressed and have hate for themselves. <br />
if you have to ask someone on the internet over weather or not you want an aborion cause you can make your mind up then it is clear that you are trying to find everyway possible to make sure you are doing the right thing or not. DONT HAVE AN ABORTION, you will regret it like so many people have.<br />
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the amount of people who have comitted suicide cause they cant handle the guilt is scary, and the things ive heard about abortions makes me sick.

It is a difficult decision to make but you are correct that you are not doing yourself or the baby any favors if you keep it. Right now it's just a little zygote, which means that you can take the pill. A baby is a life-long commitment emotionally and financially. If that's not a commitment you are prepared for, then don't let pregnancy hormones and anti-choice people shame you out of this decision. Your life comes first.

Thank you for giving me support on the fact that this isn't wrong, and I'm not alone!

Trust me! Your body and hormones are in a fritz, ive been down the same path as you and at least you have your bf there for you but no you are not dumb at all. It is a hard choice to make but if you know you are not ready and he is not ready then do what you think is right and fair for that child and yourself as well. It takes times and thinking i would just think of what i did and could not believe i was pregnant as well. I could not believe that it happen it does get better and men are just men they do not think even an 18 yr old boy and is not fully mature yet or even men. Be strong because when it boils down to it you are the only person you can rely on and i know that from experience i got pregnant and they was a jerk bailed my family was against me for doing this. But you have to think i did what i thought was right and do not regret it. Trust me i still think about my child and i cry i would have had he or she last month blows my mind but then i think i was not ready at all to raise a child on my own. Keep you head held high and what YOU BELIEVE IS RIGHT and only depend on your self and be strong you will be fine. There is light at the end of the tunnel and at 18 you have a whole life in front of you live it! Not to judge but your bf sounds dumb in my opinion and there are a lot of fish out there who would be more understanding and care about YOUR feelings because it is your body and mind that is going threw a lot. If you ever want to talk you can email me i just signed up for the site because i had an abortion in may and had no one to talk to and this helps me a lot. Not like that preach below with that comment. Take care and hope everything goes well for you.

Thank you so much for your comforting thoughts!
I really needed to just hear that I wasn't the only one who had this experience and felt stressed and lonely.
I may have portrayed my boyfriend a little harshly, he was the epitome of supportive and helpful through out this whole thing.
(I.e. staying at my apartment with me before and after the abortion to take care of me, took me to all my appointments etc)
I was just more lonely about the fact that he looked at it like the physics major he is, logically, while I needed an emotional stand point.
But thank you so much, and I am here for you as well!