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I Had Two Abortions, 13 Years In Between.

When I was 22, I became pregnant, I had just had the Depo shot but it hadn't kicked in yet.  My first and only reaction was I Must get an abortion.  I was far too young and not in any position to give a child a good life.  I did have the abortion and I don't regret it for a moment.

However, just this past January I found out I was pregnant again.  I ovulated 5 days early, wasn't using protection (trying to use the"natural method") and got pregnant. 

The man is not my boyfriend, nor would he ever have been my boyfriend.  I wanted to keep this baby but he preferred I didn't.  Which made perfect sense, we were not committed to each other and weren't interested in that.  Quite the opposite.  The pregnancy was a big surprise. 

I never wanted kids, so I thought.  After lots of thinking and talking with Jared I made an appointment for an abortion.  Jared came with me and halfway through the orientation I started crying and couldn't stop.  My counselor said I needed to leave as I was confused and emotional but could always come back.

I told Jared I couldn't have an abortion and that I was having this baby, I felt some relief but also tons of fear and stress.  I'm overweight, single, not rich but could provide, barely.  I don't have a large family network to help.  I didn't want to saddle this kind and good man with a child he didn't want and never asked for.  I also didn't want to have to have a conversation later on with my child about how his dad never wanted him.  That would break my heart.

So after a week of thinking I was keeping the baby, I couldn't stop feeling fear, terrifying fear and doubt.  I want a partner for my child. My child deserves to have a father.

I ended up getting the RU-486 pill and had an abortion at home.

There are days now that I really regret my choice, or am sad and miss the baby I would be 18 weeks along with as of today.  I know I want to have children now.  I will always honor this almost-child's life because it has made my full term (hopefully in the future) child possible. 

Most days I don't even think about it.  I'm making strides in losing weight and saving a bunch of money so I'll be better prepared in the future to have a child, otherwise life is back to normal and I know I made the right decision at the time.  I want to be a responsible parent, not a freaked out parent barely getting by. 

I'm grateful to have had the choice.  Only you know what is best for you, think about it, take your time, and do what your gut tells you.

Good luck.
Calyopi Calyopi 31-35 1 Response May 3, 2012

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Thanks for sharing. I'm happy that there are other people who don't feel ashamed or sorry to of had an abortion. I had 2 abortions as a teen and the only thing that truly gets me is how little information and birth control access there is for teens who are sexually active.