Roughly 7 Months Later (its A Bit Lengthy)

I guess this is my post abortion story...I feel that it was a hard but right decision that has given me strength to be a much better person that does not judge anyone, no matter who they are I do not know their story... I also feel that this made me a more independent person but I also realized that to tell people would make me more alone than I feel...telling this story helps but it still sucks to feel alone.

I felt like i have to write again, its hard keeping this secret. IIt was september 2011, my birthday month, when I found out I was pregnant. I subconsciously knew that I was but I was in complete denial, how could I be pregnant? My boobs got big, I didn't get my period, Tired all the time, but no morning sickness. I thought that since I didn't have morning sickness I couldn't be pregnant. I waited in anticipation for my period, it never came. One night me and my roommates were talking about what we would do if we were pregnant and I flat out said at this point in my life I would have an abortion. I think the best part of that discussion was what my friend/roommate told me about the abortion pill, I didn't have anyone in my life that I could trust to pick me up from the clinic if i had to go under... It was then after that discussion I talked further with my friend about the abortion pill. It was that week that I went out of my way to a store I never go to, to buy a pregnancy test...and it was positive. I didn't cry, I just felt that it was a problem that I could deal with. I think that when you get pregnant you should be Happy and elated...not thinking of solutions so that is when I knew I made the decision for myself. I also then decided not to tell many people only one, my friend/roommate (I come from a family of extremely judgmental people). I texted her some vague text message indicating that i needed to tell her something related to what we talked about that one night. When she finally came home I finally said it out loud, I was pregnant and then burst into tears. I felt like I had hit rock bottom, and she just hugged me and took me for a drive to let it all out. I went to this government place for money for the uninsured...since i had no income i couldn't pay for myself. When I got the form that said they would pay I felt a lot of relief, next I made the appointment. I can't tell you what day I took the pills or when I went in (you must think I'm a terrible person that I don't know these things) but that's the truth. I remember getting the ultrasound and saying that I did not want to see the image. I then waited and they came in with a whole bunch of pills, and instructions on when to take them. I remember being asked if I was positive and then saying yes and swallowing the pill as fast as possible. I took the bus home and waited to take the next pill the next day. Much of the next days I do not remember, I had this feeling of huge relief. No regrets.
After though, I started noticing a lot of pregnant people...It was like everywhere I went someone was pregnant, all celebrities were pregnant...I couldn't get away. For the longest time it was in my head that I had an abortion and the world doesn't know it. This past January I wrote my story down, felt better and spent the rest of the night reading everyone's stories to know that I wasn't alone...It wasn't until this past week I realized how much I've gotten over it but sometimes it hits me...I never in a million years thought I would be pregnant and aborted the pregnancy. It also seemed like that after I got my abortion, it was everywhere in politics...taking woman's right to choose away. I was sickened now that they would even consider this...and then contraception. I am now scared for the woman who get in these situations and what they face...will there be a day where getting an abortion isn't possible?? I don't know
(scary thought) In class this week we watched a live birth and an evolution of the fetus...all i thought was huh that's what it looked like this entire room doesn't know I got an abortion...then it got me thinking this month i would've been nine months pregnant with a giant belly probably not able to finish this semester in college and not take my finals. I can think all about how I would have a kid soon, but then I'm grateful I live in a place where I can get an abortion... There are only moments of weakness when I feel overwhelmed with my major of studies and my future of trying to be a doctor that I wish I kept the baby as an excuse to give up on living my life. But I know that abortion was the right choice for me so that I can go on to help so much more people, and give them the care and support if they ever have to make a hard decision, there will never be judgement from me.
cheesepuffs99 cheesepuffs99
18-21, F
May 4, 2012