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Contemplating Abortion....please Help!!

Hello~

If you plan on posting negative and hurtful comments to this post, please move on. I am on here because I am in a time of need and need serious advice....Thank you.

I am married with 2 chidren. I have a teenager and a 6yr old. I just found out that I am pregnant again. This was devasting news! We did not want any more esp now that the kids are getting older.

We live in a very small house, really no room for a crib or anything, Our home is very cramped not to mention we have 2 pets as well.

I am comtemplating on getting an abortion. The thought of this makes me sick but I feel like I have no options....our finances are not good, our home is too small and I don't want to take anything (emotionally) away from my 2 kids, esp my 6 yr old who is the baby of the house. Not to mention all of our furniture and everything we own is only fit for 4 people.

I don't even understand how I got pregnant because I was on the pill, so it's not like were were being unresponsible and now want an abortion. My husband dosen't know I feel this way, he is away on business half way across the world now and won't be back until the end of this month. I know he will say to do what I feel is right. I don't know what is right.....I feel horrible removing a baby since we have a family but I don't want to bring a baby into this world if I am not 100% sure I want it. I know I must sound really horriblel right now, trust me I feel horrible just typing this but I really need some serious advice here. I feel so alone cause I can't really tell anyone....Sometimes I wish I would just miscarry so that I wouldn't have to make a decison....again, I know i sound horrible!!

Please help me in any way you can but please do not insult me as I am already hurting .....Thanks!

mom113 mom113 31-35 13 Responses May 11, 2012

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This is almost my exact same story. I am wondering what you decided, if you have decided. I have have been married for 12 years, have two beautiful girls and relented to the fact we were not having any more children. I am 38 and never in a million year thought I would be in this position of contemplating an abortion, but I am.

No one here can tell you what to do. We can share our opinions, but only you can make this decision. Only you know your current children and their specific needs. Only you know your financial situation and we all know how expensive having children is, especially in this economy. You should tell your husband though, and bring up these thoughts with him as well. You may not regret your abortion, but you would definitely regret keeping it a secret. I don't regret my abortion and even though I did not have support from my fetus's father, I had support from my family, and I am ever thankful to them. I had a very good support system because I was honest with them the entire way.

I can offer the best advice I can think of. If you disagree, that is fine too.<br />
First of all, try to relax. Lots of other women have been in this situation before and have turned out fine.<br />
Second of all, try to think of what your concerns are, what your husbands concerns are, what are best for your two born children, and what is best for your new child. Picking abortion might not be best for your other children, as they will lose a sibling, and they may question why you did not abort them in the future.<br />
If you want, you can try going to a pregnancy resource center for help, as they offer free financial assistance, adoption options, and counseling. Even if you pick abortion, they can still help, as they offer free counseling to post abortive women. <br />
Also, try to be careful making this, as many women regret this decision for years. <br />
Good luck to you.

I change my mind everyday.....some days I am all about abortion and then others I look at my 2 kids and think I could never do this........my husband is still away and we will talk next weekend in person when he comes back but ba<x>sed on our conversation via telephone he wants me to have the baby cause he says he dosen't like the whole "abortion thing"........

Another question for those of you that "chose" abortion...........when you did it, do you consider it killing? I mean, some people say it's not killing cause it's not formed yet and others call it murder. So, when you performed your abortion, what did you consider it and how were you emotionally?

Also, I had an ab and I regret it. I am married. I had no children at the time, though. I went on to have two, and that made me happy, but I still feel like I wonder who the ab-baby would have been, and I denied her the chance. Even if hubby wouldn't have wanted the kid at first, in the end he would have come around. Now we lost our innocence and I will always have my sad days, even though life went on.

I think if you look at some of the comments at passboards.org it may help. Lots of women are in your situation. Some have an ab and really regret it forever. It messes up their marriage a bit, too, if their hubby isn't supportive. This isn't your fault, as you were on the pill. It may be hard at first if you have the baby, but there are always ways to pay for a child, and your kids may be pretty excited to have a sibling. It all depends on how emotional you are. Sometimes you feel the pressures and push yourself to have an ab and then only feel the guilt and regrets later. It's a very hard decision you have, and I'm sorry you have to make it. But in the long run you may have fewer regrets if you have the baby. It really depends on what kind of person you are. If your hubby fails to support you, you may just feel like you want to get the ab over with - that's normal but that doesn't mean that you won't feel bad later. My advice is to think about what kind of person you are, and don't do anything you may regret later.

It is so hard and I will never know what the right decision is. I am 5.5 weeks now. I go some days saying it will be ok and others saying no way we can't have another one........some people look at abortion as actual "murder" while others consider it and embryo.........I wish I had the right answer but I don't.........Thanks!

Think it through carefully, once you make a decision to have an abortion, you can never take it back. I had one around 2 months ago and I regret it every single day. The emotional pain is much worse than if I had kept my baby.

Thanks for your advice! For those of you who chose "abortion", were you married and did you have other kids at home as well?

Yes, I am married. My husband and I have NEVER wanted kids. So, imagine our disappointment when our birth control failed. My being pregnant didn't change our opinions on not having children. We are both currently talking to our physicians about having a more permanent solution for both of us to avoid this problem in the future.

I can't tell you what to do. I just know my abortion was the best decision for myself and I haven't regretted it one bit. And I know I never will.

There is no wrong or right answer here. You are hurting and having all of these feelings because you are human. Just know that whatever choice you make you are not alone. There are so many people out there that know an abortion was the correct decision and wouldn't change it. All I can say is you do whatever you know is right in your heart.

Please talk to your hubby maybe he would want the baby and you guys can work it out... Everything will change for the better... All the best don't worry...