Happy Mothers Day To The Girl Who Didn't Give You Life.

It's been awhile since I've been on here, I guess it's because I've felt like its better to move on than sit here and dwell on it. Today is mothers day, I'm 17 years old and I'm a mother. I'm a mother who didn't give my daughter life. I was only 6 weeks so of course i have no idea if it was a girl but somewhere inside me... i think she was. I don't regret my abortion, I regret not meeting my daughter. I regret not giving her a chance to make it in this world. I've had a very good life since my abortion and I know things would of been really rough if I had gone through with the pregnancy, but she was my daughter.. she is my daughter. And is happiness really worth a childs life? No, it's not. But it was the right choice. My family can barely afford to put food in the cabinets how would we afford a baby? I can't handle a simple shot in my arm how could i handle child birth? My decision was not selfish, nor was it self less. I thought about my family, i thought about my boyfriend, i thought about his family. I thought about hearing my dad cry, watching my mom break down. Hearing my boyfriends voice shake and not being able to concentrate. I thought of 2 pink lines that usually bring so much joy and how the second i saw them all i could do was cry. I thought about a tiny baby that was living inside of me. I thought about poverty. I even called an adoption agency but I knew that every passing day my father would look at me and all I'd feel is shame. Family would scold me and disown me. I thought the world was ending. I always told myself I could never get an abortion I told myself I'd go crazy if I did it. And now it's mothers day and I'm the mother who didn't give her daughter life. I love her and sometimes I even feel her, i know God forgives me I even know Kaydence, my daughter, forgives me. I know she understands what I did and I know she loves me. She knows I love her, and although I never met her I will never forget her.
justbreath12 justbreath12
22-25, F
1 Response May 13, 2012

I know exactly how you feel. I too had an abortion. I would be due at the end of July had i kept it. I really wish i would have. There's not a day that I dont wish my baby was still inside of me.

I had one a few months ago and would have been due early October. I know what you mean by wishing your baby was still inside you, not one day goes by where I don't think about it. The regret is so overwhelming and it's like I wish I knew I would feel this way afterwards, so I would never go through with it. :(