Full Of Remorse ...

Am 42 and is a single mum with a 7 year old son.
I have been seeing this guy for a few years but had been a rather unstable relationship. I found out that I am pregnant on May 30th. My initial thoughts was to keep the baby. But after reading about the higher risks of having a baby at 40s, coup,ed by the fact that our relationship had been rocky, I decided to terminate the pregnancy. My partner said he would like to keep the baby but when I voice out my fears, he had kept quiet. He probably agree that my fears are not unfounded.
I wnent for the ops when he/she is 6 weeks and 4 days old. That was a week ago. I've been feeling very remorseful since. I feel that I have let God down. Let my family and my childless friends down. And because my partner still stands by me even though he is feeling very rotten about losing his child, I feel even more remorseful towards him.
I wished I had looked up the net more for stories of encouragement. Wish I had more faith in my God who had had been watching over me. But I know it can't be undone.
I hope my story will urge women who are still undecided about their pregnancy to discuss more openly with their partners before making that irreversible decision. I wish I had done so.
Annabelpixie Annabelpixie
41-45
7 Responses May 14, 2012

I think you did what was right you have a child already and if he wants to be your partner he must understand you have a ready made family. He can't have you without being a step father. You did what was best by your child.

Thanks. Though i have to come to terms with my decision, I do know that it is for the best of my family.

Hikitten and happygal, thanks so much for your comments. <br />
Yes, I did what I think is right. Cuz other than the reasons I had stated above, I was also worried that it will be a financial strain. My mum has long retired and my sister does not keep a regular job. Hence i know I will have to provide for them. Then again, none of these can justify sacrificing a life. But I guess I have to live with this. <br />
Hope I'll see this child of mine in heaven...

My daughter was in the same boat as you...she has a 4 year old & a 2 year old & in an abusive relationship, fell pregnant again & had an abortion...& as much as i adore my 2 grandchildren another 1 would have driven her over the edge.<br />
No one apart from me knows about it & i still think she did the right thing, though im sure she still thinks about "what might have been"....<br />
<br />
Its horrible you had to go through this & i feel for you & my daughter but in the circumstances its was the right thing to do.

Thanks rickibratz for the assurance. Much appreciated. And yes, for now I am working on getting over this guilt and to work harder to be a better mum for my son.

you did the right thing now is the time for you to do the right thing for you and your son and get out of there<br />
amny out there that will treat you with respec and care fot your child also

Did he wanted to keep the baby? If so, then verbal abuse and threats are hardly the way to assure that he will be a responsible dad. And as for the church, am sorry but I can't imagine how any orthodox church can send death threats. Am sorry you had to go thru all that....

I wish I had kept my procedure secret from my ex. Because I asked for his input he verbally assaulted me and threatened me, and after my procedure he and his entire church sent me death threats, called my house, and eventually he tried to kill me. If I had just broken up with him under "normal" circumstances, and kept my pregnancy and procedure to myself, it could have saved me an extreme amount of pain, emotionally and physically.