Bitter Sweet Mother's Day...

It has been 6 years since my first abortion, 4 years since my second abortion and 3 years since my miscarriage...and even though my wounds are still continuing to heal slowly, it's hard putting on a fake smile on Mother's Day. Abortion isn't a topic many people like to bring up and if it does become a topic of conversation it's like politics. So many people have their opinions on it and it just becomes an uncomfortable subject to talk about. Over the 6 years this holiday has been a difficult one for me to get through. I give my appreciation to my mom for she is an amazing woman but Mother's day has now become a day where I put on a fake smile and I can't help but think about what could have been if I didn't have my abortions. I don't speak about how I feel on this day with anyone except my former bf who was the father. I asked him one simple thing to do and that was to acknowledge mothers day and even though I didn't go full term with any of my pregnancies, it hurts a little less when I'm told "Happy Mother's Day". Since barely a handful of ppl know of my situation I expect to hear it from him since every year he said it to me. I shouldn't expect it anymore from him since we are no longer together but it's difficult to not expect it from him when he expects me not to talk to anyone about it except him.

I don't know if mother's day is a touchy holiday for other women who have had abortions in the past, but it has been for me. I feel like he never gave a damn to begin with and that in his head, he's jumping for joy that I had the abortions and the miscarriage...cause now he has absolutely no responsibility, no child support to worry about, no attachment and nothing to tie down his future. all while I worry about if I'll have complications later when I try to have kids and cope with the changes my body went through. A woman's body changes during pregnancy and even after...regardless if you've carried full term or not...and I'm one of those women who has had to deal with my body changing to a crazy whack cycle as a result of the pregnancies.

Mother's day is bitter sweet for me and maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. I haven't spoken to anyone or heard anything from other women who have had abortions and miscarriages on how they feel about mother's day. And since I didn't receive a phone call yesterday I needed to let it out. I still have wounds but try to think positive and be optimistic about my future but this is a skeleton in my closet that has taken over the closet and barely leaves room for anything else...

My experience about my abortions and miscarriage is shared on here as well....
EP Link
LivingWithRegret LivingWithRegret
22-25, F
1 Response May 14, 2012

Am sorry you have to go through all that.. And I know what u mean by having skeletons in the closet. I have my fair share of those too. And yes, unfortunately abortion is not a topic that we can share with our friends. Especially those who are battling childlessness. And it doesn't help that we women need to talk it out. Thank God for this website. I hope things will go well for you. Age is on your side and hence I hope someday u will meet a guy who genuinely loves you and that u will be able to start a family with him. God bless.