From A Person Who Could Use Support

Last Thursday I went to three different doctors because no one could see me immediately. I hadn't had any odd cravings, sickness, etc, but I felt like I had gas that wouldn't go away. After the doctors wouldn't see me for a checkup, I got a pregnancy test just in case. It turned positive immediately. I didn't cry. I didn't freak out. Inside, I just knew that I'm one of those people that bad things happen to for no reason.

Two years ago, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and they were able to pull it out. I still have to go back for multiple pap smears a year (bleh) but so far I've been safe. They were able to pull cells out of my cervix multiple times. I've been searching for graphic details about peoples' abortion stories, etc., so that I know what to expect but I have never come across anyone with that experience. I had the super large extender metal thing that apparently they use to insert lamanaria sticks, but instead of putting things in, they used a wire brush to scrape the inside-inside of my cervix then they pulled little pieces of my cervix out. To anyone reading this for info, it DIDN'T HURT!! I freak out at any sort of bodily procedure and it felt like I had cramps, but my mind made up all this crazy **** and I felt like I was going to pass out. I didn't. I was fine after 5 mins and I went home and was completely normal!

As for the abortion story...I went in for a routine checkup, with no signs of pregnancy at all (no sickness, I had TWO periods, one lasting 3 weeks, which is normal for someone just getting off of Seasonique, so I've heard...I only noticed my boobs get bigger.) I lived my life like a normal 21 year old, I went out to drink- A LOT- and went with my parents to wineries, no one could tell for one second that I was past my first trimester. Not even my mother, when I was wearing a thin tank top, and she has been pregnant at least 4 times. I felt like I had gas that wouldn't go away and I didn't show a thing. One day, I woke up from a weird nightmare and I had to figure out what was wrong.

The pregnancy test showed positive almost immediately and I talked to my best friend who said the same thing had happened to her at 5 weeks. I went to PP and the clinician scared the **** out of me by telling me I was in the third trimester because she could see a head and an arm. That *****. After I explained my situation, her iceberg attitude immediately melted and she set me up with a surgical appointment. I found out I'm 18 weeks. I asked not to see the ultrasound or know any details at all. It's the DNA of a man who beat me and cheated on me for a year and a half after I was raped by a stranger. I thought I was such a worthless human being that all I deserved was violence. No woman deserves to be raped or beaten, no matter how promiscuous they may be.

I have since learned that at 18 weeks, they will put two lamanaria sticks into my cervix on this upcoming Thursday 5/17, and that will induce labor. Then on Friday, they will put me to sleep and the spawn of Satan will be gone. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a cervical cancer experience and can compare it or if anyone would be willing to share their lamanaria stories?
emariepike emariepike
18-21, F
May 14, 2012