Feeling Of Guilt

Im 23 years old and currently in the military. I am 6 weeks pregnant by my ex boyfriend. I am stuck between abortion and being able to go to school later this year or having this child with already having a break up with my boyfriend. I decided to keep this away from my unit until i make my decision because if i decide to abort then ill will do it discretly away from my unit and then being able to go to school. When i first told my ex boyfriend he told me this was his first and immediately asked "how much to get rid of it"...i must say it was pretty disgusting to me to know that you have no problem making children and then terminate them without any hesistation. This however is my first, but not for him when he finally came out with the truth. Although i am considering abortion i will treat this child as if i were to have...and thats with love, carefulness, and providing it all the nutrients it needs. With him theres no telling how many abortions he's had and its sickening to me. He says he wants kids but not now...but obviously has no problem making them and then wants me to pay for an abortion. Long story short i put that to an end. I told him if he wants an abortion then he can come up with the money and if not then prepare to be a father later on this year. My parents have told me to abort but at the end of the day who is really going to live with the regret, and guilt? No one but me of course. I must be honest and say that i dont want kids ever but i do believe everything happens for a reason, and God has a different plan for me than i thought for myself. Its hard to know that your first child is subject to abortion and then live with it for the rest of your life. I have yet to make a decision reguardless of my ex wishes, and would like some input whether good or bad. Thanks for reading my story.
pinkpinky2007 pinkpinky2007
3 Responses May 20, 2012

I would not advise you to have an abortion simply because your ex boyfriend want you to, as many people regret this decision for years. If you have one near you, you can try going to a pregnancy resource center for help, as they offer free financial assistance, adoption options, counseling, and counseling to post abortive women. Good luck to you.

I can relate to your story too, I got pregnant for the first time and had my first abortion a few weeks ago. I am currently at university and in my early twenties. I was with my current boyfriend and when I told him I was pregnant he came out and confessed he was married and had a child and told me he would pay for the abortion. Since that telephone call I have not seen or heard from him. I had no choice but to go through with the abortion, I went to the clinic with my sister and it was the worst day of my life. I have never cried so hard in my life and three days later I had to go to the hospital because the pelvic pains were extreme. I wanted to keep the child because I was graduating at the end of this year. I often think every night before I go to sleep whether or not I should of kept my baby. Even til now I still call it my baby, he/she is still my first born but the circumstances were just dismal. No father, no financial stability and no support. I often look at my nieces and nephews and friends babies and cry, I wish I could of kept it, but we don't always get what we want in life. Sometime we have to be logical and realistic about our situations. I am religious and spoke to God in prayer about the situation - I had no choice but to abort and it kills me everyday...

Reading your story was like hearing mine, which I can't find the words fot over a year later. I aborted, and it's been a rough year. I think about my baby everyday and you can't bring the child back. Everything happens fot a reason and I'm in a lot of therapy. I feel like I did it for everyone else. I was even the same age as you! I had a career on the line, a break I'd waited for for about 4 years. I graduated college at 20 and had a "plan"... I have grown to despise everything, even my career... I have just gone through the phase where I realize I made the decision and need to forgive myself. I wish you the very best, each person is different... I will suggest reading abortion recovery books, to help understand what you're really doing, to yourself. You're aware of what you're doing to the baby. If I had read what I'm reading now, and known how far along i really was, my story would be very different. I hope thus doesn't sound like I'm against it, I just handed it way worse than others because I thought I was educated about it, but the physical process is what I learned about, not the mental recovery process. I had a friend have two abortions and she's living her dream. Some just grieve differently :) best wishes. I will pray for you in your trying time :)