Abortion Aftermath ... Will It Ever Get Better?

I am a university student who is in my early twenties who was brought up in a religious family. I was dating a young man who promised me the world, I believed him. I fell pregnant and told him right away, he was happy at the news but then two days later he confessed that he was married and had a child and therefore I should have an abortion. Being my first time pregnant and not knowing much about abortions he told me I could go in and then a few hours later could go to work (I do night shifts as by day I am at uni) and it was "Easy as that". I was in a state of shock that I could put myself in such a position, I had missed the pill one day as I was unwell and was taking antibiotics and he kept telling me he wanted me to bare him children, was he a good liar!! He told me he would help with the costs for the procedure and would drop it by my mail box, he never came and there was no mail, not even a phone call to check if I was okay. I couldn't tell anyone, I ended up going to the clinic with my sister and it was the worst day of my life. I've never cried so much in my life, I felt like my heart was broken and I was stuck with what I wanted and not wanting to have the baby of a man who was a complete drop kick. I ended up having an abortion because I believe every child deserves the love of their parents. But I couldn't put my baby through that pain of not knowing who their father was, knowing that he had his own family and didn't care for them and not being able to give them the full life and childhood I was given. I have flunked all my subjects for this semester, I stopped going to classes and doing my assignments and will probably fail this semester. I put on a front at work and in front of my friends, but I'm broken on the inside. I cry right before I go to bed and find I watch shows based on babies and birth. Is this normal? I'm really tough on the outside and can handle anything, but I don't want this to eat me from within because I'm a real confident person, who made a mistake of not taking care of my contraception, dropping out of uni and for what? To end up with no child and no uni? Maybe I'm being a little negative, my sister thinks I should find sort counseling...
amzira amzira
22-25, F
2 Responses May 21, 2012

Thank you so much for your comment, it really helped me put things into perspective. I am seeing one next week so I can get them to help me with forms to withdraw. Just don't want to lose out on another semester and beat myself up about it.

Every child deserves to be wanted by both their parents. I had both my parents and a very good childhood, and I can't imagine the pain of having one or both of your parents resent your existence.<br />
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Talk to your counselor to see if it's too late to withdraw from classes with a W, or if you could take a Pass/No Pass.