The Grass Is Always Greener....

I have an appointment for the pre-abortion counseling session tomorrow. I have a son who is 3 years old, this pregnancy is with a different partner. We used condoms and after a failure I used a back- up EC and still managed to get pregnant. My experience with this pregnancy is far different than the last- physically, mentally and emotionally. It has lead me on a quest to evaluate the implications of abortion, the experiences, opinions and even philosophical perspectives. I have had a tremendous learning experience out of this that has lead to an epiphany; no matter what you choose it will be a selfish decision. Simply being in the position to have to make the consideration automatically makes you a morally accountable party to the situation. I've seen/heard A LOT of people with emotional stories and regrets, wishing they could take it back, forget feeling like a monster... Some people feel like they don't have the capacity to really LOVE their child by giving them the best start, not that they don't intrinsicly love them. To those people, they feel like they would be robbing them of quality of life. Others feel that the act is too immoral and unnatural and no matter the circumstance, life must prevail. While you may have a natural inclination to feel one way or another, either choice is in fact "selfish" It is an opinion based on your own personal ethical/ moral position. Perhaps with recognition that the choice will be self centered (by definition) either way, it is easier to reflect on the more or less, objectivity of the situation. I spent much time considering the implications this baby would have on those who are already here on this earth and what their rights are, especially if like my son they are reliant on me. I would take away time and resources from my son. My family would feel like they have an obligation to provide for me in one way or another. Goals I have already started to establish, set specifically with the mindset of wanting to offer my son the best chance would come to an end. I remember feeling 100% like abortion was not an option with my first child. Without the experience of motherhood, it would have been impossible, in retrospect, to allow my decision to be influenced by anything but my own conscience, and the weight of my choice was entirely "morality" based. I would not take back that decision now that I have had my son in my life... It's hard to imagine life without him. This time, I've realized that whether my moral position has shifted to the left, or my rationalization of reality has moved to the right, but I think with a bit if perspective it is only natural those views can change. I hope that I can help even one person who is beating themselves up over their choice to have even one moment of relief reading this, I really do. I feel like had I chosen differently with my son I would be in the same emotional position. I may still get there too. It's just amazing to me that as someone who has always been "pro-life" personally and "pro-choice" for all other women, as a mother who loves her child more than anything in the world- can realize that there is an ego-centric side to carrying a life through that goes against the natural inclination that rational human beings have to take care of themselves and the people around them too. That's okay! If we weren't faced with the problematic nature of two legitimate points, human beings would be in a much more vulnerable position- we can't have a society where every single pregnancy is terminated of course but their is a definite empirical reason why human beings are built to be able to make these choices and cope with them as a civilization full of "unwanted" or in any way "neglected" people is not a strong suit for our species. The diverse range of emotions, and cognitive differences we have is what makes our world diverse and fruitful. While this choice is not suitable for everyone, I believe that if it is a choice you've already made and it's done, you deserve to know that you have every right to cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself. Take the time to think about what it's done for you- established convictions in morality? Makes you more careful and thoughtful of your choices? You believe or don't believe in God now? In the bigger picture, how has thus experienced molded you into an even better, stronger person?... I would bet that there is growth somewhere inside of you. <3
mommabearwhiskey mommabearwhiskey
1 Response May 22, 2012

Wow! I don't know if I have ever seen someone be this open about such deep internal philosophy this way. As far as the abortion is, if you want, you can try going to a pregnancy resource center for assistance, as they offer free financial aid, adoption options, and counseling to post abortive women who are struggling. Good luck to you.