I Had An Abortion And I Regret It Everyday

It is nearly a year now since I had an abortion and I remember everything about that day every single day off my life. I was scared and didn't no what to do and I love my boyfriend so much witch made it even harder. When I told him I was pregnant, he burst out crying with fear, the only time I have ever seen him cry. We talked about our options and he suggested abortion. I new that was the wrong choice for me because I had always been against it and in my eyes, I already had a baby. I couldn't ask anyone for advise because I was too scared, so I went into a sort of auto pilot mood, my boyfriend couldn't see it was destroying me Cus I didn't want to upset him. When I went for the first scan to find out how far I was I said to myself that I would draw the line at 17 weeks, but they didn't tell me how far gone I was and booked me in for an appointment the next week. They gave me a sealed envelope to give to the doctors on the next appointment, of course I had to look inside, I found the pictures of the scan and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, I should have said no then, but the auto pilot just kicked in again and I just drifted through life until I suddenly found myself the night before my appointment. I was holding my belly saying it would be ok, not to b afraid and that we would be together soon, if my baby couldn't live then neither shall I. Suddenly I was in a chair talking to someone about the procedure, they said it was going to b more complicated then planned because I was 19 weeks!! Devastated I just froze, my boyfriend left me at that point and I had to go through the procedure alone. 7 hours I was there for, when I woke up and it was all over I just felt numb. That feeling of numbness has never left me, I regret it everyday. On my expected due date witch would have been November the 8th I planted a flower in the wild, so I can go there to grieve. I hold my belly every night and prey it hadn't happened and that he is still inside me, I didn't no what sex he was but I felt in my heart he was a boy. I just wish I could hold him now. My boyfriend reminds me that by regretting this that I am not moving on with my life, and that was the whole reason we done it in the first place so we could live our lives, but how can I live my life when I feel so empty inside
Jodie1234 Jodie1234
22-25, F
1 Response May 24, 2012

sorry you should not have to done it alone<br />
and will not tell you what i think pf the father for makeing you do it<br />
<br />
i have been there with a few i have know just as support and to hold there hand so there were not alone<br />
none of them mine i cannot have a child