Paying For What I Thought Was Right

I was 14 when I found out I was pregnant, I seriously wanted to crawl in a hole at that point I was only dating my boyfriend for 3 months at the time and I had no idea if he would stay or not, I asked him if he wanted it an he said no but I also didn't want it I was so young and scared, well I had an abortion and I felt a sense of relief and peace until 6 years later I am now 19 and my boyfriend has left me because he says it's all his fault that it happened and every time he looks at me he feels upset because he thinks it's his fault why I did it? We were together for 5 years and he's now saying all this I hate myself more than ever now before I was okay with what I did but now I feel like im paying for what I did and I hate it, after 6 years I have Been fine until now And I have no idea what to do or where to turn...
asdfgjkl1 asdfgjkl1
18-21
3 Responses May 25, 2012

Its not the fact of him growing up he didn't have to grow up I did he's immature and im not im very mature for my age I know guys take it hard as well but their not the ones who physical as well as mentally go through it the girl takes it way harder but its the fact that he used it as one of his excuses to why he left and why he abused me, i wouldn't say we grew out of each others just we both had to make a grown up decision when we both were only children and were only dating at the time for 3 months so it put a hurt in our relationship but what upset me the most is I have tried to talk to him about it for the past five years and never once he would talk about or anything until he left, he said that he's not good and that I only did it because of him which is not the only reason, he more or less was using it against me because he knows how I feel about it and how hard I took it afterwards and still do take it hard I feel like im being punished for what I thought was the best choice to make im upset he left yes but more upset about how he used it as an excuse, my story is about how I feel like im being for punished now for what I did and I don't want to feel like that anymore What the first comment says is exactly what he's doing im the one paying for it not him

High school relationships end because the two usually grow out of each other. 14 is awfully young to have to deal with any of this, parenthood, adoption, or abortion. It makes you grow up fast. And honestly, this kind of sounds like growing pains. This has less to do with your abortion and more to do with him growing up as a human being.

thanks for share your story i had an abortion 5mnths ago im 18 and i dont know what to do

It very hard when I had mine the first 2 months after it were terrible I felt horrible but I also felt a sense of relief, and when I look back now im glad in a way that I did but then I still have my days of thinking " what if" and my ex also made me feel ten times worse because of what he said and I felt like I was being punished for what I did, I still have nightmares about it till this day or when I see a four year old I feel sick to my stomach cause that's how old my child would of been but I will say it gets easier to deal with especially when times in my life are hard I couldn't imagine having a child around it,plus I didn't want to have a child that would have to go without I would of felt terrible its a process it takes time it's a healing process if you ever need someone to talk to or to just vent and tell your story im all ears I know how it feels to not have anyone to talk to about it I had to go five years without anyone because I was scared of being judge on what I did and im glad I came upon this site not only to share my story and finally get advice but that I can help other people as well who are dealing it