I'm Torn.

I just turned 30, so I feel that I should be in a position to have another child. I have an 11 year old son, whose father has passed away, and I have been a single mother his entire life. It has been incredibly difficult, but despite having my son at age 19, I managed to graduate from college, and I am now a teacher and somewhat successful in both my personal and professional life.
I have also had abortions- when I was quite young (just 14) and in my 20's. Luckily, I never suffered any guilt or regret or emotional trauma after the fact with those abortions.
I am currently 6 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months, and although we have a good relationship, I don't know what I want to do. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I felt trapped. Trapped in this relationship, trapped in my circumstances, trapped and unable to continue to pursue MY life and MY dreams and MY goals. Selfish, I know, but that's how I feel. I have been agonizing over what to do. Luckily, my boyfriend (35 and with a 5 year old daughter of his own), is extremely supportive and is behind me 100%, no matter what I decide to do. My gut tells me to have an abortion and to continue focusing on my life and the life of my 11 year old son. But part of me thinks that I should have this baby... maybe it's my last chance? Or maybe I'll regret not having it? Or maybe I'm just a horrible, selfish person knowing that I could have this baby but that I'm choosing not to. Financially, it would be a burden, but more so, an emotional burden. I don't feel ready to be a mom again. I made an appointment for a medication abortion next week, just in case that's what I decide, I wanted to be prepared. Please, I would really appreciate any words of support or encouragement during this very difficult time for me. Thank you, and if you're in a similar situation and debating what to do, my thoughts are with you as well.
klwklw klwklw
26-30, F
5 Responses Jun 7, 2012

I am in a similar situation....same age, same profession and also have an older child. However, I am not in a good relationship and have been displaced in my profession...I have always been pro-life but I seriously cannot imagine myself having a baby right now or with this person. And I know its my fault for getting into this situation to begin with which is the hardest part. But he isnt supporting me now, so I cannot imagine what it would be like for the next 9 months let alone 18 yrs with this....and not to mention he is saying it isnt his. Im only like 4 weeks right now (blood test results come tomorrow) and from what Im seeing its too early to do it now? Anyway, Im wondering if you have made a decision yet?

Hello there =) Just to give you an Idea who is speaking to you, I am a non-religious, born-&-raised Liberal (now Independent), 28 yr. old male. Whenever I encountered the subject of abortion, I would vacantly parrot the Liberal tagline "It's a woman's right to choose," & it is a woman's right to choose, but I had no business weighing in on the issue whatsoever. I had never considered the reality of any of it. I had no connection to an embryo or fetus. I didn't know that at just three weeks their heart begins to beat, or the fact that fetuses have been proven to dream, suck their thumb, or even pass gas in the womb--yeah--lol. My whole thing is, I've seen footage of fetuses in the womb tossing turning to get comfortable, rub the walls of the their mother's womb, scratch their own little butts, & even laugh! I think the truth is that they are truly alive, & if they had a voice, they would tell us "reasonable adults" that they would like a shot at life; if we let nature take it's course, a baby is the result, so I think the baby would prefer adoption, if it knew what the hell adoption was.<br />
I'm not Anti-abortion, but I have come to think that doctors should not be aloud to make a living from anything related to abortion, nor have the legal ability to lobby congress in support of it (or pay any other entity to lobby to do it on their behalf). I don't think it should be a crime for a woman to seek one, however, I do feel that adoption needs to be really popularized, but that's not going to happen as long as Dem. fail to even re-examine the morality of paying men & women to crush fetus heads. 90% of abortions are done by "curettage." Which is using a suction devise to hold the baby in place, & using a metal clamp, that I don't know the name of, to crush & remove the skull. I think Americans are the brunt of a long history of propaganda regarding this issue, & in general. I just recently learned that the founder of "Planned Parenthood" Margaret Sanger, was an avowed racist & eugenicist that praised Hitler's actions! In many other countries, the debate over the morality of Non-emergency abortions is much more sophisticated. <br />
The event that catalyzed my transformation in thought was a documentary I first watched about six years ago. It's where I learned that stuff about fetuses dreaming & farting (I can't even type that without laughing). I wish this was better quality, but it is the best I can find. Here it is <br />
National Geographic - In The Womb 1-10<br />
That's part one. All the consecutive parts are at the top of the related videos (which isn't always the case) on You-tube, or you might go to the uploader's channel, so they'll all be together. I wen't through about an hour of looking, so please watch it.

On the day of your appt, if you still feel good...then you have probably made the right decision. If you go in and feel troubled, give yourself a few more days. <br />
<br />
Good luck. Only you can know how many kids you want to have and when. <br />
<br />
In solidarity, <br />

klwklw..<br />
The decision is ur's.. Life is what you make of it, I know its never easy and this is the most biggest deicision ud ever have to make. Do what feels "right" for you. If u feel as though ur not ready to have another child, there's ur answer but like mpuskar said there's alternative options other than abortion but thats ur call no one else's. Listen to your head. Im 28yrs old I'm now single and alone I had my abortion at 7wks only 7wks ago.. and that was the biggest mistake I ever made, I should have kept my baby! I dont know what it's like to have a child therefore I can only imagine how hectic and full on it could be but it'd be worth it. Theres no "right" time to plan out the life we dream about. We never know how it'll effect us emotionally and physically after an abortion or the birth of a child. I do know me world ended after I lost my unborn baby. I chose to not give it a chance.. what gave me that right?? Its too late and Id do anything if I could turn back time and have went through with my preganancy. Only you will know whats best for you. You say ur got a child and have also had abortions.. therefore u would know in what way it may effect you whatever you decide. I had been told when I was pregnant that by not making a decision is really making a decision that is to go ahead and keep it.. but I didnt I couldnt let time pass by the longer you leave it if u go ahead with the abortion the harder it'll be even though the pain is all the same.<br />
I hope you choose what u feel would be best for u and ur unborn.. goodluck

I am not trying to insult what you are doing, but I thought I could mention that there are pregnancy resource centers that offer financial aid and adoption options as well. Again, I am not trying to insult you. I simply thought I could mention it.