ForgivenI had an abortion when I was 18. My boyfriend (now husband) and I had only been together for 5 months when I discovered I was pregnant. He was scared and so was I. I was guilted into it. I knew it was for the best. In the clinic I could see the screen when the tech performed my internal ultrasound to date my pregnancy. I saw our baby's heartbeat and I cried. I was 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I used the medication abortion. On June 4th, 2009 30 minutes after taking the second dose of the medication, my body began to expel the pregnancy. I cried alone in my room enduring the cramping and bleeding for hours. I bled for days. I returned to work a few days later just like nothing had happened. My boyfriend didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't talk to my family about it. I cried every day for 365 days and one day I realized I hadn't cried or thought about it. It finally ceased to consume my days. I was finally able to start to forgive myself.
My husband still doesn't want to talk about it. I feel like I need to talk about it. It's been 3 years last Monday. We now have a beautiful and very wanted 11 month old. She is our world, but I still wonder about our first baby and cry sometimes.