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Forgiven

I had an abortion when I was 18. My boyfriend (now husband) and I had only been together for 5 months when I discovered I was pregnant. He was scared and so was I. I was guilted into it. I knew it was for the best. In the clinic I could see the screen when the tech performed my internal ultrasound to date my pregnancy. I saw our baby's heartbeat and I cried. I was 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I used the medication abortion. On June 4th, 2009 30 minutes after taking the second dose of the medication, my body began to expel the pregnancy. I cried alone in my room enduring the cramping and bleeding for hours. I bled for days. I returned to work a few days later just like nothing had happened. My boyfriend didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't talk to my family about it. I cried every day for 365 days and one day I realized I hadn't cried or thought about it. It finally ceased to consume my days. I was finally able to start to forgive myself.

My husband still doesn't want to talk about it. I feel like I need to talk about it. It's been 3 years last Monday. We now have a beautiful and very wanted 11 month old. She is our world, but I still wonder about our first baby and cry sometimes.
abirdd9 abirdd9 22-25, F 4 Responses Jun 12, 2012

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That is great advice and an inspiring story you have Paige! Thank you for sharing with us!

Actually, I believe there are understanding people out there. I had an abortion when I was 19 and 7 weeks pregnant. Six years ago I was in an abusive relationship and when I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend at the time told me he would leave me if I had the kid. We drove to Dallas and it wasn't too hard until they gave me the ultra sound and I heard the baby's heartbeat. I choked up and cried after I heard that but I went through with the abortion anyway. I only told the friends who I knew I could trust and they supported my decision. They knew i was too young and too poor to support a child on my own and I knew that I would regret not being able to be young and do things young people do. I never wanted my family to find out, but eventually I confided in my mother about it and I asked her not to tell anyone. She went and told my whole family. My sister and her husband are catholic and thought I was a horrible person and my sister later told me that she didn't want me around her kid when she found out. I was so upset that my mom even told her about the situation. The worst feeling in the world is feeling so low about myself and then being cruelly judged by my own family. But now I have a wonderful boyfriend who completely accepts me and understands that I needed to do that. I would never have an abortion again and I prayed for a long time after that experience. I prayed to god that I wanted to be used as a vessel to him and do whatever he wanted me to. I vowed to God that I would devote my life to serving him and he helped me. I now work with severely autistic children and know its my calling. What we have to remember is that God is loving and forgives. As long as we express our sins and make a devotion to live better, God will be there for us. None of us are alone in this. God is the only one you should be turning to about this. Because God was right there along your side through it all just waiting for you to turn to him. I hope peace overcomes you both as it has me. And I hope we all can live a better life in devotion to a life that could have been... And who knows... When we are ready to have children again, the child we didn't meet then... We might meet again. Peace and love.:)

I'm so sorry you went through all that. There is so much shame surrounding this topic and it makes it so much harder when we can't get the support from our loved ones that we need. Are you currently with the 'very catholic' guy? The things he said are so hurtful and mean and out of line. I'm not sure he would be someone I'd want to stay with if he mistreated you so badly when you made yourself so vulnerable to him when sharing your experience. xxHugs!

Gosh I know what you are feeling. About 7 years when I was 18 I got pregnant with my boyfriend of one year. I was already a single mom an I worked one full time job and went to school full time. My boyfriend at the time had a good job. And insisted that if I kept the baby I would have to quit school and get two jobs and all my dreams would be over. Then he said that he would take the baby from me because we probably wouldn't work out. At that moment in time I felt l had no other choice. He drove me to the place to take the medication I wa 4 or 5 weeks at the time. When I got there I cried and said I didn't want to do it. He got mad at me and yelled at me that we didn't go for nothing. So I walke in with my head down and did it. I have suppressed the memory of what happened after. I couldn't even remember taking a second pill. We didn't last because he couldn't talk about it either and I had the worst guilt ever and needed someone. We fought a. Lot until we calle t quits. He then had a baby with someone else a few months later. I am with a new guy now who is very catholic. I told him my story because I was having a hard day. He flipped out. Told me how cruel I was and selfish. He even calle me promiscuous. Now I really feel bad. I forgive myself some days and other days I think about it how could I do this. Especially now that I told him. I really feel bad. I can't take it back. This is so hard to deal with alone. We basically lost a child so we morn but since it was our fault there is no one to talk to about it who can understand and give us support. It's nt fair.