Hmmmm....

So, here it goes.... My boyfriend and I started dating the summer before my senior year of high school. (June) Had sex for the first time in august..were always careful, but i never got birth control...because clearly, that is an uncomfortable situation to talk to your parents about when you are 17. Anyways, we were careless one night (I believe at the end of febuary/beginning of march), and a month or so later I didn't get my period... took the pregnancy test, and it was positive. We hadn't told anyone and talked about it and pretty fast we came to the conclusion to have an abortion. After some research, turned out that I couldn't get one on my own...because I was only 17...so I had to tell my mother. That was hard. She didn't even know we had had sex. She still thinks that was my first time (and that im very unlucky, for that reason.) She said she wouldnt tell my dad, and seemed to take it as well as could be expected....until a few days later when she called me and screamed at me, saying things that don't need to be repeated. She told me she had to tell my dad. One night I walked in the house and they were both sitting there...I knew she had told him. We talked, they were never mad or dissapointed (well maybe a little) but basically were just concerned and showed genuine love for me. I love my parents. We talked about the abortion & how it would be the best thing since my boyfriend and I had no way to support a kid, and I was going off to college in the fall....something I did not want to give up. Meanwhile, Im not sure if this occured before or after, but my boyfriends parents sat us down and threw out the idea of them raising our baby, and us going about our lives (college, etc.) I was definitely not okay with that. And adoption was not an option, because I KNOW if i carried a baby for 9 months there would be no way in hell I could give it up. No way. Okay, so now we're back to the night before my appointment, and things go to hell. My boyfriend suddenly has a change of heart (i still think it was because of his parents) Mind you, this was the guy who decided WITH ME that this would be the best thing, would rub my stomach and say "make it go away", and had given me his paycheck to help pay for it. Anyways, my boyfriend, my dad, and I get into this huge arguement/discussion about how I want to go to college, and we cant support a baby, etc. His mom comes over, everything is repeated. No minds are changed, everyone goes home. The next day me my mom my dad and my moms boyfriend go up to the clinic. (my boyfriend did not come) I almost changed my mind when I saw the ultrasound...they really shouldnt do that to a person, but ultimately decided to go through with it. It was probably the worst experience of my life (the medical part) and when it was over my boyfriend called me to say "are you okay" yes. "so its done?" yes. *hang up* days and days go by where he says im not the same person, the girl he loves wouldnt have done that, she wouldnt have killed our baby. etc. etc. he put me through hell. It took a few days, but he finally came around that weekend, because it was my prom, and I guess he couldn't not take me to my prom. It has almost been 2 years since my abortion. Im still with my boyfriend, we are going on three years, and I absolutely love him with all of my heart. And I know 100% he feels the same way about me. We never talk about the abortion. It has maybe come up 2 times in the past 2 years. I barely ever think about it. Im not sure If thats wrong or not. I feel like maybe i sould feel bad, but i really dont. I know i didnt murder a child, and I like where I am in my life and know it wouldnt be like this had I not had an abortion. overall, the worst part was not even the procedure, it was feeling so abandoned by the one person that i had given my everything to , who i thought was behind me, and all of a sudden was not there for me. Im not sure how to let this go...I can't talk to him about it because im sure it would just upset both of us and that would get us nowhere. it's funny...i do this alot...think about points in my life that were so so hard and say to myself "how did i get through that?" i dont know what I would do if that happened right now. but i did. and that gives me comfort. sorry this is so long.... This is the first time i have told anyone that didnt know about it that day. Thank You for Reading My Story.
palmtrees palmtrees
18-21, F
1 Response Apr 17, 2007

u should really appreciate and thank ur parents forever. i wish i would have been able to tell my mom. its hard to explain our relationship. but i also was going to start attending college. sure i think about it once in a while and imagine wat my life would be like, but i am sure that i made the right decicion. that event just motivates me to do my best and make my "decision" worth it. if u ever need anyone to talk to pm me.