I Feel Empty, and I Now Wish I'd Never Gone Through With It...

Hi, well, my story is not unlike any other story about relationships and just how bad they can go when something like this happens to you. I was one week shy of my 25th birthday and I had just split with my partner of almost two years. I had gone through a miscarriage about six months before and was still not completely over it. I had been a bit tired and my period was late, but I had been stressed so I thought nothing of it. However the day after my birthday I was due to go out with some mates, I didn't want to go out and ruin this if I was pregnant, so I went and bought 3 tests, because you can never have enough proof...when the second line appeared...I lost it...the whole emotion of the break up and now a pregnancy brought me to the brink of having a break down...so I rang him...and told him...he screamed at me for ruining his weekend with his mates. I felt like someone had shot me...here I was, hysterical and pregnant and he was more interested in getting drunk. I was secretly excited that I would soon become a mother, but when I spoke to my own parents, they quickly put a dampener on my situation. 'you are in debt', 'he is gone' 'what type of father will there be for this child' 'you won't be able to live your life' all came out of their mouths...i thought of this tiny creation forming inside of me and wondered how anyone could say those things. Despite my ex telling me that he would support me no matter what, his phone calls became less and less frequent, he never even bothered to ring me to see how I was feeling...I was carrying HIS child, and he simply did not care anymore, the arguements got worse and worse. My ex and my parents, and even my older brother tried to convince me that an abortion was the only way to go, I was simply not ready to have a child on my own...I wish I had told them to go to hell...because now that I've done what they all wanted, I'm living in hell...every day I think ofwhat I have done, and the life that I didn't give a chance. Everyone else is happy, but I am miserable. My relationship with my parents is now strained, I barely speak to my ex, I have strained relationships with males and I have become very depressed and irritable. He didn't even help with the cost of the procedure. I pulled out of the first appointment, I should have pulled out of the second, because now I have to live with what I did every day...and I hate it...I wish I had never gone through with it, and I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself...
sezzyh sezzyh
22-25, F
2 Responses Apr 24, 2007

Hi,<br />
<br />
I know exactly how you are feeling. I tell my friends and family that no one knows how this feels unless you've been there. When I arrived at the clinic I had doubts. You know they say go with your gut feeling, well I should have done that. I have to live with everyday for the rest of my life. I had my abortion a week ago this past Saturday. I feel guilty and so empty. <br />
<br />
I wish I could turn back the clock and gone with my gut feeling. I killed an innocent child. God forgives us for our sins but, I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. People tell me in time things will get better, I don't know that I can believe that. I thought it would get easier everyday but it only gets harder.<br />
<br />
Hang in there you are not alone!!!

hello i have a similar story to you, i have just turned 2 and i only found out that i was pregnant 3 weeks before my birthday, i missed my july period it usually comes on the 5th of every month (I should of known then) but I too had been stressed, tired and cranky (also all signs) I brought a pregnancy test the following friday and it came back negative so I figured I wasn't and that i was late due to the stress of splitting up with my ex, since I still didn't have my period 3 weeks later I brought 3 test I went straight into the toilets in the supermarket and the first test I took came back positive, i didn't know what to do and I wasn't sure who's baby it was either considring I had sleeping with my ex and his mate, I told both of them and both of them said to get rid of it, so i'm booked in for friday.