Second Abortion Not Any Easier.

Back in 2007 I became pregnant for the third time. At this point in my life I was 25 years old, had a nice paying career and had a wonderful family. On the flip side i was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety/phobic disorder.  Needless to say i was on many medications.  I just couldnt be sure if this baby would be given a fair chance at a normal healthy life.  On August 5th i had the first abortion.  Every year i dread the day , it feels so heavy on me and the guilt and sorrow follow me almost engulfing me and making it hard to breath.  I still suffer from depression and /phobia disorders worse than i did back then so i take care to use 2 types of birth control.  When they failed i was devastated.  I tried to push through it but ended up in the hospital for six days with non stop anxiety attacks, losing weight hair falling out in clumps, and worst of all feeling nothing towards my children. I literally wanted to die.  I had a "sitter" with me 24 hrs a day, I still managed to scratch the first few layers of skin off my hand.  So now i have just had a second abortion.  I feel like the lowest weakest **** on the planet.  What kills me the most is watching the dr throw the remnants of my unborn child into a biohazardous container.  I dont know if ive made the right decision and i dont know if theres anything i can do to make up for my mistakes.
gudieva14 gudieva14
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 26, 2012

All you can do is be a good person and treat people with kindness and respect. Things will get easier. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. Best wishes.