I Am So Looking Forward To This. I Want My Life Back.

So I've been trying to find some positive support for this issue online, and I am at my wits end. I'm going in 2 days to get my abortion and I honestly couldn't be more relieved. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I have been in a deep depression. I felt like my life was over. I was so sick at first that I continuously had to go to the hospital, so I lost my job (there goes the financial support) and I had to drop out of college (and there goes the education). It absolutely positively SUCKS to be pregnant.

I decided that despite everyone's over stupid religious wishes that have nothing to do with my life, my wants, my needs, or my hopes and dreams... I'm getting an abortion. And I'm excited. I finally get my life back. I can finally feel relief, and feel good about myself again. That I'm not just some farm animal being bred to keep everyone else happy.

The worst part about this situation? That I had to wait so damn long to get my act together. My boyfriend was adamant about keeping it, and through his abusive lies and manipulation about what a bad person I was I was about to keep it. But the abuse and the threats never stopped. If I didn't do everything exactly the way he and his mother wanted he threatened to leave me and take the child away. They called me mentally incompetent and were trying to force me to live there without allowing me to keep any of my own things. I had no choice in any situations involving the baby, all of them were made for me by his mother. EXCUSE ME?

I must have been insane to allow that abuse to go on for so long. There are only so many times I can be called stupid, and an insane b*tch, until my patience runs out. They were forcing me to go on welfare and tried to get me committed to psychiatric wards. I have no history of mental illness, but for some reason they kept forcing me into believing I did. (Münchausen syndrome by proxy, anyone?) I truly believe they were setting up a case against me to take my parental rights away.

So now I am just done. Getting away from the crazy family and getting on with my life. AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER. I have no love for this child and feel no regrets. I am looking forward to the day I can find someone who respects me and wants to make decisions with me, and not against me. I am looking forward to the day we can share this experience together instead of forcing me to suffer through something so thoroughly unwanted.

So haters, come on here and hate. And guilt-trippers, bring it on. Because I am happy. I am moving forward in my life. I am a strong woman and I know I can do this and nobody is going to make me feel bad about caring for myself and making the right choices for my future. I escaped a lifelong sentence of abuse and trauma and I am not looking back.
mirieri mirieri
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 6, 2012

Thanks for posting. You do what you have to do for yourself and don't look back.<br />
<br />
I'm on my second day of the abortion pill at the moment. It's intimidating enough even with my husband fully supporting my decision. I can't imagine how difficult it would be if the person in this with me was unsupportive. But I can relate to wanting my life back. I don't hate what's growing inside me, but I don't feel any love or happiness either. I also can't think of it as murder, because what's inside of me is just an organism that will become a baby after a certain period of time. Just like eggs would become baby chickens if we didn't separate them for consumption.<br />
<br />
Still, I haven't told my family because they are religious and it would really hurt them. My mother's pregnancy was not planned and she ended up keeping me; I can imagine her making this kind of argument to guilt trip me. However, if she had aborted I don't think I'd be lamenting in heaven as an unwanted child. To be honest I probably wouldn't even know it happened. Her choice was her choice, as mine is mine.

Good luck! I hope this decision enables you to recover what you need in your life--work, school, happiness, etc.

I'm in the same pretty much situation. All the guy wanted was sex.. I'm going in for my abortion in 2 days.. not even 2 days. Did you ever go through with it. The guy I was dating always said I was lying or I was a *****. Then when he would get what he wanted he wouldn't bother me for days.. Or always compared me to his ex.... I'm ready for it to be done and just be able to move on I have a girl who is soon going to be 8 years old then 5 years ago I had a full term pregnancy with a little boy whom I delievered and at 15 weeks of age lost him due to serious health problems so other then the guy not wanting the baby that I now am giving up I had to deal with an actual loss instead of going through all that pain again I know what I need to do so it doesnt have to happen again does my decision make sense?