My Heart Is Forever Broken.

Abortion doesn't just take away the baby's life it also takes your life too. (Well in my case it has.) I literally feel dead and empty on the inside. The minute my child's life ended that's the minute my heart stop feeling, the only function my heart serves now is to keep the blood pumping through out my body, bcus every time I TRY to feel, I go back to the scene of me lying on the table and I am counting backwards from 1O. I keep saying in my head that I did it because of my baby. Bcus as a mother you are suppose to protect your babies, love them, and keep them away from all of the horrible stuff in the world, but I didn't & now I just feel so worthless. I see babies and I wonder what mine would have looked like and if she/her could have given me the love that I've needed since I was a little girl. At this point on my life I am trying to move forward and to become a better person, but all that seems to be on my mind is how much I wish that I could have taken care of my baby. To make matters worse, I can't even talk abt it to any1. My mother didn't want me to have the baby, and the father of the baby was busy trying to keep up w/ his new girlf, days aft I moved out of OUR home together. I just don't understand why this happened to me. I can't think of anything I've ever done to deserve this kind of pain, it's the worse that I have ever felt and there's no medicine, Band-Aid, or doctor that can cure this heartache. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I just hope that one day, I can be happy again.

I know that I choose what I choose because I was afraid of being a bad mother. I would have never wanted my child to live the kind of childhood that I had. I didn't want my baby to not have a relationship w/ it's father & I didn't want the baby to see how messed up I was being treated. It's days like this when it's really hard. I hope that things will get better.
beautifulSTORM beautifulSTORM
18-21, F
Sep 18, 2012