Ill Never Know If I Made The Right Choice.

I have had two abortions. Both with someone other than the guy I was with or dating. I have basically dated the same guy for four years. But we have had our ups and downs.
The big downer in our relationship is when he introduced me to meth. We began using together. This lasted for nearly 3 years, from the age of almost 16 1/2-19. To get to the meat of this little story I have to jump to maybe 2 years later.
I was feeling lonely, my guy is hard to explain. He's very silly, but difficult to humor most of the time. And he's got an indifferent attitude about himself now.
But this I blame on myself, in hopes of finding comfort I ran to a guy who used drugs to get close to me. (Meth) and it worked. FF to the deal breaker, he got inside my brain and manipulated me. Raped me because he knew I wouldn't fight back too much, for fear he would sabotage my relationship and quit getting drugs for me.
Well he won. And I got pregnant. My life with Jose was ruined. I fell apart. Prior to this my mom died. The most beautiful,smart and hilarious woman I knew. I decided to get an abortion. To this day I still don't feel remorseful about it
And I've had a second one, because a guy took advantage of me while I was drunk.
I wonder when I will realize what I've done. Or If ill ever wish I had done differently.
To those women who had to go through this, I'm so sorry.
Maybe you were scared, raped, forced to do it, felt right doing it, or just had to do it. Be strong. But be careful. Know who to trust. Its not always that simple. But we have to prove we are strong or we will become someone's test dummy.
That made sense to me. Hope it did to you.
natcatdroog22 natcatdroog22
18-21, F
Sep 22, 2012