Regretful And Unforgiving Of Myself

It has been almost 5 years since my abortion. I am also a single mother of a 6 almost 7 year old little girl. I was still with her father at the time of my abortion which would have been our second child. I was in a very abusive relationship at that time and felt I was making the right decision. The father was the push for it as to where I wanted to keep the baby and wasn't exactly thinking of the things I would be putting another child through he on the other hand said I was being selfish and should be thinking of what I would be taking away from our daughter and his son. So I made the decision to have the abortion and then split from my daughter's father. I know I made the right choice but it still hurts and I regret it every day. The most difficult days are the week before my pending time of the month when my hormones are at it's highest. I pray that my child knows how awful I feel and how sorry I truly am. It is not easy and has not gotten any easier for me and I could use all the help I can get. Please if you have negative things to say I'd rather you keep them to yourself as I already am very hard on myself and am hurting more than you can imagine. I welcome any ideas and help anyone can offer me.

Lonely and heartbroken :(
MissAsh27 MissAsh27
26-30, F
4 Responses Sep 24, 2012

Hey there is a blog I found that relates to your story it is at catsoncats.wordress.com please check out this girls story.

Keep staying strong and its been 2 years since i had my abortion and I still think about it everyday. But I always try to do the best I can in life and remember your baby will be so proud of her mommy. You have a baby girl to make things easier.

Keep staying strong and its been 2 years since i had my abortion and I still think about it everyday. But I always try to do the best I can in life and remember your baby will be so proud of her mommy. You have a baby girl to make things easier.

You can't go back and change things; you can only choose to stay at the same place or move forward. There is no right or wrong decision with abortion... just a better one for your situation.

If you are religious, although abortion is considered a sin, you must also consider that Christianity believes everything that happens is part of god's plan for you. Maybe you were meant to have the abortion to help you leave this man and relationship before it got too dangerous.

Five years is a lot to spend grieving heavily. While I don't think any woman ever forgets, eventually we all must accept and stop thinking about the what ifs so we can move on.

In any case, not being tied down to your previous relationship with another kid should allow you to be a much better mother to your daughter. I hope you can keep in mind the positives and put them to good use.

It hasn't always been easy. I just recently started grieving it hasn't always been this difficult and I'm not too sure why it took me so long. It did help me to leave and for that I am greatful. I know my baby is in a better place. I believe I still would make the same decision even if I could go back. I am at a point in my life where I am ready to settle down and would like to have more children. I don't know if I am feeling guilty because I am ready now and I wasn't then or that it has just taken me this long to finally sink in what I had really done. Thank you for the support.