My Baby I Never Met But Loved

Okay . I'm 18 My Boyfriend Is 31. I've Only Known Him Since May. On July 20th 2012 I Found Out I Was Pregnant And I Was So Happy ... Crying The Happiest Tears I Could've Cried But Those Tears Instantly Turned Cold And Stained My Face Because I Remembered Our Conversation , " We can't have a baby right now ..." , "If you're pregnant you know what we have to do right ? " , He didn't want a baby with me "AT THIS TIME" He made sure to remind me 99.9% of the time ... I Wasn't Able To Concieve And I Wanted This Child Badly My First Only Real Baby. I got in the car and told him i wasn't pregnant and then he looked in my bag and saw my diagnosis=Pregnancy. He went ahead and told me we had to do this or we'd struggle money wise plus his other two sons who he didnt have but paid money to ... i was confused crying nonstop and always arguing with him but one day we popped up at planned parenthood ....
I Wailed On Him . He said i should've seen this coming . the first appointment they told me what would be going on and if i didnt want to do this let them know. i had a stank look on my face as his words keep coming into my head . struggle, being like your mother, why do that to a child... at that moment i said fine i signed the papers and the next week ... we walked into that place again and they did what they did. i haven't felt the same since . i'm depressed and im upset all the time i take my anger out on everyone and i'm still here with this man whose promised me over and over i'll never have to go through that again .... i guess i believe him i just dont care anymore ..... i miss my baby in my tummy . i was going to name the baby Shai if a girl or Sevin if a boy . My mother still doesnt know . i dont know how to tell her .
AubriannaMiShelle AubriannaMiShelle
18-21, F
3 Responses Sep 25, 2012

I understand how you feel but day by day it will get easier and you have to forgive yourself first. Its amazing how much you can love a person without even meeting them.

So Far, I've Become Slightly Better. Less Irritated With Everyone I Pray ALOT now .... i hope this feeling just goes away .

i nearly killed myself after my abortion but god is forgiving

My Aunt Told Me The Same " God IS Forgiving " but i can't seem to forgive myself ...

Sorry to hear about that. There are mature men who would be over the moon have a little one is on the way from a beautiful young mother. I hope you meet one soon.

Abortion is much like a natural miscarriage caused by stress. It happens when you don't feel secure in the relationship. Stay fertile and be sure to emphasise your wild animal baby lust to future partners. If you enjoy being pregnant then abortion can be just like an annual gyno visit. Use it until you secure the best daddy you can find.

Mums help with relationship problems. And tell her you want(ed) a baby. Breeding is up hill. If you're a breeder then trust me: Being a parent is great!

Thanks For This . I Really Needed To Hear Something Like This .