Guilt

I  had an abortion two years ago when i was 23. I felt guilty and cried all the time. My fiance and I were about to break up over it when he is really all I have, no family, few freinds. I got a cat because I had been wanting a pet for years, and it didnt really help. I wanted my baby back. And I was scared I would lose my fiance too. So I stopped taking my birth control pills and got pregnant again. I told everyone it was an accident again. So now I have a beautiful baby that all of our families love, and my fiance and I are better then ever. But I have so much guilt because I killed a baby that would have made my life great and lots of people very happy. I lied to the man I love and tricked him into pregnancy again. I should be very happy with my life right now, but I feel so guilty and I cry all the time. I am afraid something will happen to my daughter to punish me for killing my first baby. I am afraid if my fiance finds out I got pregnant on purpose, when I have sworn it was an accident, he will leave me. I feel so bad for what I have done.
ShouldBeHappy ShouldBeHappy
22-25, F
May 14, 2007