Big Mistake

My girlfiend recently had an abortion 6 weeks into pregnancy after I asked and put up for discussion the idea of having an abortion,due to the fact that she is 18 and I am 24,we have been together a year and have had an amazing time together but also turbulent.I didnt want her to throw away her future career wise and I wanted us both to have more of a love life/romance and life together/mature before we decided to bring a child into the world,rather than doing it because she accidentaly got pregnant.. We have no money and I thought that it was a bad idea and un-mature to do it although I wanted to more than anything,she told me that it wasn't in her nature and wanted to go through with it.Although I said I would stay with her as I wouldnt have it any other way and put any option on the table and said that in the end it was her decision as she was the carrier I pushed the abortion option more for rational decisions rather than follow my heart, now she has put a 'wall' up between her and what happened and is clearly distraught by it and say's she doesnt think she can look me in the eye's again without imagining what could have been,I want a family and to be with her more than anything I just thought it was the wrong time for both of us as we are not very mature etc now I feel I've ruined her life,the child's and my own...
llewelyn1 llewelyn1
5 Responses Nov 14, 2012

My boyfriend didnt so much force me into abortion but mainly talked me into it. I seem to get mad at him more often lately because in a way I blame him. But I would never stop loving him as I know he was looking out for our futures and just thought it was best. Your girlfriend will forgive you in time. Keep reminding her that one day you will have a family so she has something to look forward to.
Good luck with everything.

My ex and I were opposites on feelings. He didn't want me to have an abortion and I was completely set on it. My immediate feelings were relief. It was hard for us to look at each other at first however, we have became friends and we can have rational discussions about what happened. At first I was so angry and disgusted by him for 1. getting me pregnant and 2. thinking that having a child was even an option for us. He's doing fine that he realized what having a child would have done to his life and my life. Regardless of how others feel about abortion, it truly did save our lives. He can finish school and move on with his life and we aren't stuck in a life that we never wanted with each other (or for all).

You did not ruin anything. Abortions happen everyday thousands throughout the world. Women are not having them because they feel so good, but because of the poor situations they get into. I know in my heart I would never of had an abortion had I been able to give the child what it would need, but I could not. Rational reasons were why I chose to have it done. I would say try working on communication with eachother, keep reminding her she is still beautiful and a wonderful person, and tell her you love her not once a day but when you wake up, throughout the day and especially when you go to bed. I hope things get better for you and she realizes that you are still there because you love her.

Coming from somone whose boyfriend also pushed for me to have an abortion, I can empathize with your girlfriend and I'm very sorry for both of your grief, but you are not a monster. Things will get better for both of you. I hated myself, my boyfriend, and the world for about a year after our abortion and I cried every single day about it. I couldn't look at him in the eyes for months. One day a few months after it had been a year I realized I hadn't cried about it in a couple days. A couple days turned into a couple weeks at a time and I began to be able to fathom forgiving myself. I'm not a church going person, but I do believe in God and I believe that He forgives our sins even without asking for forgiveness. For good measure, though, I prayed (for the first time since having the abortion) for forgiveness and for the grace to forgive myself. We were finally able to sit down and talk about it and cry with each other and let it all out. We struggle with communication about it now, but it's not so bothersome anymore. Every now and then when special dates come around I get sad and then it passes. We were 18 and 19 and it was a crazy whirlwind of a timeline for our situation and all odds were against our relationship, but now, 3 years later, we have been happily married for 2 years and have a beautiful 16 month old daughter who we planned for with hope and love. I hope over time the two of you can individually, and as a couple, make peace with yourselves about your decision. My heart truly goes out to you.

That's serious ****. There is a lot of fear in having a child. Here's the kicker though. Abortion goes against all our natural instincts to protect our offspring, except in cases of rape and ******, where the child is loathed horribly in most cases. You both were having consensual sex, and sex can and will cause pregnancy. Face it for what it is like you are and just admit this, and things will get easier. Your choice to abort was irresponsible, selfish, cowardly, and ******* dumb. You have damaged you, her, and of course the unborn's life is now over. The pain is disgusting, dark, and unexplainable. What you've done goes against your nature to protect. You have inverted this nature, reversed it, and you are disgusted as you should be. Sit down my friend and truly think about what you did, for real. You committed the most disgusting act a person can, which is ending a defenseless unborn life. It really doesn't get any worse. Face it like you are, dig a little deeper, and never repeat. The only thing to do now, is if someone comes to you, share what abortion has done to you and her. It is so horrible of a feeling I can't even cry, I just feel sick, and I told my girlfriend no to do it, but she insisted. She died that day too, or a least a part of her did. Your decision was not good, but luckily life is long and gives us many chances to learn, and learn from this you must. I'm 38 now and the abortion was 16 years ago. Welcome to hell on earth. This torment is hell itself, but it can get better if you face it for exactly what it is, ask forgiveness, and then move on. You were part of the killing of your offspring. That is not your nature. A part of you convinced you to do it. This is the part that deceives us all at times.