Going To Have An Abortion.. Help

I found out I was pregnant 2 days ago. I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and we are getting very serious but just not ready for a baby yet. I am only 20 years old and our circumstances are not the best right now. I am going for an abortion but i am so scared. I am afraid of getting put to sleep (biggest issue) and i am opting out of the abortion pill completely. Does this procedure hurt? How did you feel when it was all said and done?
rr0505 rr0505
17 Responses Dec 1, 2012

I have experienced both abortion and adoption. Abortion in my teens, adoption in my 20's.
Now I am 40 and have 3 kids. If I could do it all over again, I would have never aborted. I was in my teens at the time, and very uninformed, though educated. The trauma that abortion causes the mother is deafening. I thought I was "strong enough" to handle it. Emotionally, I was dead for many years until I went to a retreat for post abortive recovery, then years later, took classes to deal with the PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It was there that I learned that having an abortion was akin to going to war. It literally haunted me for over 20 years.

We are simply not built to undergo such a thing as abortion, however the method.
I strongly recommend you love yourself and your boyfriend and seriously consider adoption.
I have met many women who experience infertility who see birth moms as absolute heroes. I myself, a birth mother, have a richer, fuller life with a son who is now 16 years old. My 3 young daughters have a lovely relationship with him 1 state away. We are all extended family now, and have all been blessed by the adoption. Adoption gave life to all of us involved and the world is a better place because of it.
It truly is heaven vs hell. The abortion industry is not equipped to explain, nor do they care to reveal the emotional trauma, after effects of your body, possible complications, the pain, or regret. They are interested in making money.
I am very impressed with your sincerity in listening to others, albeit strangers, as you face such a life changing event. You're a strong and very smart woman already. I wish you blessings, joy and peace for all in your life.

i hope u dint have an abortion bt either had the baby or gave it up for adoption.

Aborting sounds easy; pain pills, etc. but there will be a time when your heart hurts for that child whose life your ending...I know because I've had them myself --- even it's been 25 years! the pain never leaves, and I ask God to forgive me constantly. I pray that by sharing this I will have spared you the torment of the after-effects of abortion. May God give you courage! Amen!

Why don't you consider adoption? Why should an innocent baby pay the price with his/her life for your mistake? So many good families want children. Just sacrifice the few months of discomfort knowing you are giving life....then go on with yours...in peace!

I had my abortion 6 yrs ago and still think about it everyday. I wonder what my child would have looked like, been like, smelled like. She would be in kindergarten this year. The thought of dropping her off at her first day of school and a tear of pride running down my cheek because my baby is growing up runs through my mind. But she is not. I killed her because I wanted to have choices in life. I didn't want to be attached to a child that by no fault of her own would remind of the circumstances that I had put myself in. Oh how I would much rather remember that time but know that such a beautiful life came out of it. Now I have the memories of that time and the child that was taken. The child who's life I said was not worthy. I have 7 children here on Earth. I look at them and think, my abortion could have been any of them. That's when I realize moreso how much I am missing out on the child I will never know.

An abortion cannot be undone. I work with a wonderful woman who has had a few abortions in her twenties and has also placed for adoption. She describes it as the difference between hell and heaven. She opted for an open adoption and has minimal, but great contact with her son who loves her AND his adoptive mom. I also know several other gals who have placed for adoption, and they are heroes in my book. Placing for adoption when parenting is not a good option at the time, is a beautiful parenting decision. The parenting is then taken over by someone else. And, birth mom is a hero who has the time and space she needs to build her family in the future with no abortion regrets about the first child. Relationships rarely survive an abortion, understandably. I wish you courage and strength.

This is a tough situation to be in. Finding out you are pregnant when you were not expecting it is a HUGE shock. 1st, take is easy. 2nd, really listen to people concerned about YOU and your welfare. Having a baby is not a career ender, but it does change the track. Having an abortion will forever change you, the person inside. You won't view the world the way you do now, especially men, your friends, anyone involved in the procedure, and even yourself. Right now your body is in full-swing pregnancy mode. All those hormones that ramp up during pregnancy are doing their job. It takes 9 months for your body to fully nourish and grow this child. When this processed is stopped unnaturally, it is difficult on the body. Many people won't tell you the hard truth about any type of abortion, but infertility is a serious issue with post-abortive women. AND most women don't and can't come to terms with their choice to terminate until 5-10 years afterward. So, if you think you want this lingering in your system for that long, really research it. Some groups that will present the facts from a post-abortive stance are: Rachel's Vineyard and Silent No More. They will not tell you the pretty side to abortion but I assure you that they will be honest with you and TRUTHFULLY answer ALL your questions.

Here is a number to call to speak with a LIVE person: 1-877-467-3463.
Another person to contact is Dr Wilson: 1-877-219-5782. She will talk to you about anything!

This is YOUR decision but I strongly encourage you to call this number and do your research. Well over 90% of women do come to regret their abortions, again many years after the fact. There are many signs to the post-abortive women: nightmares, lowered self-esteem, bouts of anxiety and crying, anger and rage, flashbacks, suicidal urges and thoughts, sexual problems and promiscuity to name a few.

My heart goes out to you because this time of year will never be the same again. I promise you that if you courageously choose to carry your baby to term, you will gain confidence in yourself that wasn't there before and see this as a powerful moment in your life. You will look back and recognize it for what it was: a speed bump that you overcame. If you need some words of encouragement, either way, let me know and we can connect via email. NO judgment, just heartfelt words for a tough situation.

I am also 20 years old and had an abortion. Much like you, my boyfriend and i were not ready for a child. I chose to have the in-clinic abortion. I spent 4-5 hours at the clinic, but the procedure itself was only a few minutes. it took longer for the pain medication to kick in than for the actual abortion. I was given some pills and an IV for pain killers, but was not actually put under. there was a little pain, but it was minor. you will have to fill out a lot of paperwork, and they will run tests for your levels, and probably screen for STD's (its what they did with me). that is where your time will be spent. I went alone, i would not suggest doing that. it was scary for me, and i had no idea what to expect. i think it would have been easier if i were not alone through it.

Though your circumstances are not the best; now, and only now, is your unborn child's time to develop, be born and live. Whatever could be better for you later doesn't begin to compare with your child's needs now, and that need is to simply live. Later will not work for your baby. This is a very real human being with human dignity. Having an abortion kills a human being, which is no different whatsoever than killing a person of any other age. An abortion results in being the parent of a deceased child. I sincerely hope you love and nurture your child and keep him or her alive. I also believe your child's own future children would be thankful you did as well.

it seems to me the choice is made. people are here for support, not to find people who try and make them feel guilty for their decisions. Its not right.

I have had two surgical abortions. I was sedated for both procedures and had mild cramping with light bleeding after. It was not even as uncomfortable as my regular period. My biggest issues were emotional. I have always known that I have wanted children. I did not make or take my decision lightly and took quite a bit of time to do so. Time and acceptance have healed most of my wounds. I do get sad from time to time, but overall I feel I did what was best for me and my future family.

Best wishes to you, whatever you choose. I hope you do whatever is best for you.

I'm just so indecisive and this is the hardest choice .. I am really afraid of the surgical procedure and where To go .. at first I was sure I did not want the pill .. now I am considering it .. I believe I am 3 weeks

I took the pill, and yes it is a very painful procedure emotionally but it was an easy one and not much of physical pain, what are your other options and how far are you?

Despite all their talk about "choice," those at abortion clinics who counsel women on their options often act as if abortion is a woman's only realistic alternative. This simply isn't so.

Throughout the United States, there are nearly 3,000 Crisis Pregnancy Centers staffed by volunteers ready to provide real help to women facing unplanned or untimely pregnancies. [112] In addition to providing pregnancy tests and counseling, these centers often offer a full range of services, helping women obtain housing, maternity and baby clothes, baby equipment, pre- and post-natal medical care, legal assistance and financial support, information about adoption, and even advice on how a woman in school can continue her education. [113] Offering real and tangible assistance, these centers have helped thousands of women to realize that they didn't have to choose between their own lives and the lives of their unborn babies.

Unlike their counterparts at the local abortion clinic, the volunteer counselors at your Crisis Pregnancy Center do not have a vested financial interest in the ultimate decision you make. Their concern and commitment are genuine, so you can count on them to stick by you through the tense and sometimes difficult months ahead.

If you picked up this pamphlet at your local Crisis Pregnancy Center, you already have some idea of the quality of people who work there. But if not, you can look in the Yellow Pages under the heading "Abortion Alternatives," or call, toll-free, 1 (800) 848-LOVE, any time, day or night, to find the nearest Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area. You'll find someone who genuinely cares about what happens to you and your unborn baby.

I had an abortion today, and I have been browsing the internet for words of encouragement. Your post touched me because I was in a similar situation.... I am 20 years old and with a man whom I love very much, but we are not in the right place to have a child. It took a lot of debating in my mind, because deep inside, I felt like we could make it work despite the difficulties. I still chose abortion, because I want to provide the best for my children when I am ready.

My immediate feelings post abortion are not so good. I feel lost and empty, and I regret the decision, although I still can't imagine the alternative.... having a child to care for. I'm not sure how the procedure works for others, but I have a high tolerance to anesthesia (I learned this when my wisdom teeth were removed) and mid procedure I burst into tears from the pain. I never learned if this was normal or not, but it is a daunting memory.

Take time to think about the decision. If you are already considering abortion, realize that you are naturally responding with the knowledge that you are not prepared to care for a child. If your heart tells you to keep it... I'd say go with the heart. I think I ignored my heart, and I feel very empty right now. Best wishes, and remember, you are beautiful!

thank you so much I really appreciate your response.. I feel the same way, if I did choose to go through with the pregnancy, I could probably make it work. but that is definitely not the way I pictured having my first child.. just "making it work" isnt enough. like you said, I would want the best for my child and I dont feel I could provide that until i am completely ready. anyway I am just really concerned about the anesthesia. to me that is the scariest part about the whole thing. going to an abortion clinic having them give it to you and try to rush you out is not comforting. alot of the stuff I've been reading online isnt helping me feel better either. I am considering doing it awake.. or getting the aspiration abortion because I heard it was a much less painful procedure.

As for you, try not to get down on yourself right now as your going through a rough emotional time. you made this decision for the right reason whether you feel that way right now or not.. You'll know you did for sure in the near future. Best wished to you and your boyfriend :)

Thanks again!

At around 25 weeks, I believe is the earliest that has been proven...

What's your reason for opting out of the medical (pill) abortion? From what i hear, the surgical one doesn't hurt much - and as you're sedated, you won't feel or remember it anyway. I wouldn't worry about being put to sleep, anaesthetists train for a VERY long time to be able to administer those drugs. It will be like taking a quick, dreamless nap. I went for the pill abortion, read my story if you want to know what it's physically like. A lot of people said it feels more natural, more like a miscarriage instead of a "clinical" and cold feeling. But you bleed for aggeeeessss afterwards. Like six weeks for me.

I think the main thing for you to focus on right now is having positive things and people around you. When all is said and done, at first you will feel relief (by the sounds of things), but fair warning, you will feel grief and sadness as well. I didn't think i would, as i was 100% sure i couldn't go through with my pregnancy, and i still don't regret my decision, but i still feel sad and upset about it sometimes, it's kind of a confusing emotion really. I think as long as your boyfriend is there, knows and supports you - you will be ok. Just give it time, and allow yourself time to readjust and throw yourself into doing positive things, or a new hobby, or something else that you love doing. Later on down the line, you will see the big picture and it will get easier.

Good luck darling, i hope whatever you choose to do that it goes well. Feel free to message me if you want to talk. That was the hardest thing for me, i had no one to talk to. I didn't even think of going online to get support!

My reason for opting out of the pill is because I kind of feel it is harder to deal with. This is probably the hardest decision Im making and I just want to have it be over with. Im thinking about the aspiration abortion. Do you know anything about that procedure? I heard it was much faster, less pain, and no anesthesia ( which makes me feel soooo much better). And you are soo right .. being online did not help me much at all . alot of the reviews and uncomforting.

Thank you so much for your response and help. It really is greatly appreciated! :)

Yeah i see your point, if i could have had surgical (it wasn't available in my area) i would have - for that exact reason, to have it over and done with. Umm i don't know a LOT but definitely less pain and a lot faster yes. I think that way you will be finished with it quickly, and be able to start the moving on process quicker.

I hope you're ok, and which ever way you choose, it's not going to be easy, but you're doing the right thing for yourself. Good luck miss xx

I can say from my experience of having spoken with some people who have either gone through with an abortion or had a partner who did, that when all was said and done, they had a very difficult time with it for a very long time. This was deep regret by a parent of the baby, the mother or the father. The developing baby is a very real person. I would like to see you, your baby and your boyfriend spared of this pain. There are other options, including raising your child, who will love you very much, or allowing other loving people to adopt your child. Here’s some information that might be helpful: www.pregnancyresource.org. I do care very much about you. I hope you don’t hurry into something you could regret deeply for a very long time due to feeling overwhelmed at the present moment. Also, if it is the case that someone is persuading you to have an abortion, I hope you seek support, as I know of a woman who was persuaded, had an abortion, and regretted it. Take care.

Hi hun,
It is your choice but think of it this way too this time next year you could have a beautiful baby spending there first Christmas with you. I dont have a lot of money eighther but couldnt imagine life without my girls. xoxo Steph