- My Abortion -

I am 20 years old. I'm on my third year at a university majoring in photography and Journalism with a minor in business, while also earning certification to become an EMT. I work 32 hours a week at a corner market (an all-in-one grocery store/gas station/movie rental/car-wash/laundromat) in my hometown. When I'm not at school or work, I'm taking care of my younger siblings (12 and 14) who live with me five days a week. Everything I have, I give to my younger brother and sister. I want to be someone they can look up to. Something I never had growing up.

When I found out I was pregnant, I cried for days. I thought about everything I was working towards in school, about my younger brother and sister, and about my current financial situation. Having a child was not something I could accomplish with success. So I decided an abortion was the best thing I could do, not only for me but for the baby, my family, and my boyfriend of two years (who was also not ready for a child).

I had everything planned out. The clinic was out of town, so I reserved a hotel room for the night and made sure there was a taxi company that would be able to drive me to and from the clinic. The whole drive, I kept wondering if i was doing the right thing. I thought of all the different situations and possibilities again and again. This was what i needed to do. When I got to the clinic they gave me a bunch of paperwork to fill out in the waiting room. There were so many people, most of them around my age, and they all just stared at me as I walked in. Some of them were probably there for the same reason I was. But at that moment I didn't think about what they were there for, I just wanted to run. I felt so ashamed of myself as i filled out the paperwork.

Maybe it was all the pressure I had been feeling, or the lack of food/water (I could not eat or drink 8hrs before the procedure), but as I stood across from the receptionist as she went over my forms, I fainted. One minute i was watching the receptionist, wishing she would hurry up. The next, i was opening my eyes to find my feet in one nurses lap, while my head was resting on an others. Adding embarrassment to my list of emotions for the day. On the bright side, i didn't have to sit in the waiting room after that.

They took me to the back in a wheelchair, and hooked me up to an IV (which was basically filled with sugar water). So I had an IV in one arm, while they drew blood from the other to run tests. People came in and talked to me about other options, my family health history, birth control methods, what was going to happen during the procedure, how to take care of myself afterwards, what the urine tests would screen for, why they need to run blood tests, and a million other things. After 3-3.5 hours, they took me to another room. This was for the ultrasound. I was 7 weeks and 1 day into the pregnancy, and the baby looked like a little bean on the monitor. After the ultrasound, I was moved into the procedure room.

I had now been at the clinic for 4 hours. They gave me three pills and an IV to ease the pain. I laid there with my legs in stirrups and nothing but a sheet to cover the lower half of my body for ten minutes until the doctor came in. I had kept my emotions in check, and had not shed a single tear that day. But as the doctor began the procedure, i couldn't hold back the tears. The actual abortion lasted maybe five minutes, and had little physical pain. but the emotional pain i felt, it was worse than anything I had ever experienced. I was moved to another room, and given some juice and crackers while the clinic called a taxi for me. They gave me some reading material about coping with abortion, and some stuff about what to expect physically. My taxi arrived, and I went back to my hotel. Sitting alone in that hotel room was hard. To be honest, I cried myself to sleep that night. For the next couple weeks I was emotional, but it soon got better.

 The entire experience was difficult, but i know the decisioin i made was right for me. Im happy now :) oh, and so is my boyfriend.
graceyrose graceyrose
18-21, F
Dec 5, 2012