Had An Abortion 3 Weeks Ago And I Regret It

I am 20 years old and in college. My boyfriend and I have been seeing eachother under a year but we are very close. I found out I was pregnant two months ago. I can't explain why but when I found out I was secretly excited. Even though my boyfriend and I both attend a great university and are very involved in our college life. Initially I called him and he came over within 20 minutes. We agreed on abortion even though I did not want one but I didn't want to freak him out. Well the next week we went in for an ultrasound and I was 8 weeks. After that I just did not want an abortion at all. We went to the clinic 4 times and each time I would leave in the waiting room. I knew he was scared I wouldnt get one. He told me he would marry me and support me if I did not get one but he also said he felt was ruined and he would never smile again and that his father would never speak to him again. I realy tried to explain to him we both come from wealthy families they could help and we could make it work. I even made him watch "Horton hears a who" because I felt like my little babe was the dust spec. But he was not budging that he believed abortion was the best option and although he would support me he basically let it be known he would resent me forever. And I really do love him and he is a wonderful person and I know he was scared and I could feel my babies love so I should have been the one to say "no I can't do this even if you will leave me" But I was so terrified to raise a baby on my own and my mother said she would financially support me but she thought it was a mistake so at 11 weeks pregnant my boyfriend and I went in and got the abortion. The whole hour long ride home I screamed and cried I immediately knew I had made a mistake. Since then I have been home for break. I just feel so alone and regretful and I just think to myself how much I want my baby back but I made such a mistake and can't undo it. My boyfriend has this obnoxious positive attitude telling me everything will be okay and time heals. But i think that he is beign a hypocryt because he is only happy because things went his way and there is no more baby. I am so miserable I feel liek I threw out my own innocent child who looked for me for protection and I was such a monster I took her life away. How can I tell him that what I need is for him to be there for me emotionally not try to cheer me up because that makes me HATE him? And while I blame myself I really blame him too but I dont want to say that and make him upset. I just wish he told me we could make it work because we could have but he was not ready to give up silly college boy partying life but it was too late. I just need a way to tell him to stop telling me 'life will go on you have to be positive" because it feels like it wont and I will carry this pain in my heart until the day I die.
summertime12 summertime12
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 5, 2012

I agree with Alonein. Keeping these feelings inside isn't healthy and isn't helping him to support you in the way that you need right now. And right now, he needs to smarten up and mature and catch up with the situation. Yes he does seem relieved, and yes probably for selfish reasons, and his boyish ways are quite typical (and wouldnt change if you had had the full pregnancy) so don't be hateful towards that behaviour Because that will be a negative bubble that you are already trying to mask. My story of my abortion - of 20 weeks - is on here. It affected me so much, and still does. I'm here for you and I can relate to how you feel. Concentrate on yourself, not him. Your Mum appears to be supportive, open up to her :0) switch the kettle on and talk to her..

First off I wanna say I'm very sorry. I know what its like to go thru a abortion as well. N believe me I hated when ppl told me it was guuna be alright an to just move on. Its really not that simple. .. an I, like u, told my bf we would get a abortion just hoping some how I could change his mind. (My story is on here if u would like to read it)
But to answer ur question u have to be honest with ur bf, tell him how u feel . Tell him ur still hurting from the abortion (emotionally) an sometimes saying positive things isn't always helpful. All I can say is try to make him really understand how u feel cause if not he wont know.