Trying To Make A Little Sense Of It...

Hi, I'm new to all this, so forgive me if I get this completely wrong.
I'm 23 and doing my PhD-I fell pregnant in June this year and found out I was pregnant a month later-I decided straight away to have an abortion-for many reasons-I'm still living a student lifestyle (shared house), I barely cope on my research assistant salary and I had a rocky relationship with the father. When I told him he was really excited-he really wanted me to keep it, but I wasn't so sure-we were long distance and we argued a lot. Nevertheless, the next day he had suddenly decided in favour of the abortion (complete 180) and a week later I went through the (surgical) procedure-he stayed at his and went out drinking-I had to take one of my friends with me as support (I couldn't tell my parents as they'd never forgive me).
Everything was completely fine, apart from the last month or so-I've been finding it incredibly difficult to cope with what happened-I worked out when I would be due and am constantly working out how far along I would be and what I should be expecting.
This is all exacerbated considering that I've started seeing someone new who I haven't told and he's a couple of years older than me and made it clear that he wants things to become more serious (the father and I went our separate ways).
Since about September I've been starting to regret the decision I made, and although I realise I wouldn't have been able to support a child, I still feel that I've made a mistake.
Basically I'm doubting my decision.
:(
oddun oddun
22-25, F
1 Response Dec 9, 2012

I had an abortion 3 1/2 years ago. I didn't want to do it then but was pressured my the father saying he couldn't start over being that he had kids in college and High school..as much as I knew it was wrong, I wad so "in love" that I did it anyway. I have asked God for forgiveness and to take the neverending pain away. I know He had forgiven me but I can't forgive myself because I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. Everyday I live with the shame and guilt and anger towards him. Recently I found out Im expecting. I never thought it would happen. Thought I was being punished. My new husband and I are thrilled. All in all life gets better. And God is forgiving, it's a matter of you forgiving yourself.