My Abortion Expeience

I'm eighteen years old. I always told myself I would wait to get pregnant and if I did get pregnant at a young age I would choose to keep the baby. At that time abortion was never something I could see myself doing. I had a one night stand with a guy I met this past summer and in August I found out I took a pregnancy test that came back positive. I broke down in tears at the thought of it. I knew my family would be disappointed in me and I was disappointed in myself. I told myself I would never be "that girl" who got pregnant at a young age and I was. I texted the guy and he told me it was up to me but he thought it would be best to get an abortion. I got up the courage to tell my family who turned out to be surprisingly vey supportive of whatever decision I made. At first I wanted to have an abortion. The thought of raising a child with a guy I barely knew seemed unimaginable. Then I was worried I would regret my decision so I decided I would keep it. My family was excited and so was I. I was still only six weeks at this time, and the guy I had been with asked me to stop by to talk. He told me his situation and how my choice would affect him. For him, he would have to give up school and start a full time job. His mom was in jail and his only support was his dad who wouldn't be ey supportive with the situation. I then began rethinking my choice, not only because of what he said but because I was still struggling with my decision. I realized starting college as a freshman with a baby would be very hard and I always told myself I would go to school and make something of myself in order to one day successfully support a family. I told my aunt that I was getting an abortion pill. However I lied to the rest of my family saying I had a miscarriage. I didn't want them knowing. My aunt supported me but I knew she was upset because she was so excited. It has been about two months since the procedure. Everything went well and I had no complications. I do however think about my decision everyday. I wouldn't say that I regret my decision because school is vey hard and I have no idea how I would be able to juggle both a baby and my studies. However I do always ask myself "what if" questions and catch myself pondering how life would have been if I kept it. I tend to do this a lot when I see other teen moms who have chose to keep their baby. I still talk to the guy, but only as friends. He says he will always be there because we're friends now and he understands how difficult that situation was but I feel like it was much harder on me than him. I guess all I'm looking for is advice on how to pick myself up when I'm feeling confused and disheartened with my decision. I do not regret what I did, but Ido always think about it and work myself up asking myself how life would be if I had kept it. For anyone who is thinking about getting an abortion just know the choice is totally up to you and although others may judge you have to do what you think is best even though the answer might not seem so clear. People can say all they want about making the choice to have an abortion, but I can say from my experience that they have no idea how it feels to be in the situation themselves and until they are faced with making a decision like this they can't say what they think they would do.
Spantel Spantel
18-21
2 Responses Dec 10, 2012

I think that one tip I can share with you, is that when you have the 'what if's' REALLY think about them. What if you have a cute little baby and you are perfectly happy with that guy, but think about the more realistic what ifs. What if he didn't support you through your decision, and you were financially unstable and unable to provide for your family? Some things just weren't meant to be. I wish you a speedy emotional and physical recovery!

You're correct about it being one of the hardest decision you've had to make. By the sounds of your story, it appears to be very difficult. You will have bouts of the 'what ifs" I think that's a normal reaction to such a difficult action. You choice was a mature decision. Seems the young man was as responsible as you were.
However you made the choice that was right for you, despite what someone else might think. The bottom line is, it's your life and you did what you felt was right. You'll be confronted with many choices as you walk through your life, always listen to the little voice that helps you along the way.
I send a hug your way, know you are not alone, I made that choice 33 years ago myself, you learn to accept it and move on. Sometimes it's hard at other times it's not. Just love yourself so much each and every day.
L.