Feel Like I Need To Marry My Boyfriend After Abortion

I had an abortion 3 or 4 weeks ago and I deeply regret although my boyfriend still thinks it was the best decision- it but I am not writing about that here. But also after this my boyfriend and I have talked a lot more about having a life together after college and getting married and having children when the time is right. I really do love him but now I feel like I have to marry him because I could not imagine ever marrying another man after carrying my boyfriends child. This scares me because I feel almost desperate like I can not loose this relationship because I feel like I will not find anyone else. As of right now I really would like to be with my boyfriend forever but is it normal to feel like he is the man I want to marry after him and I shared a pregnancy and abortion together?
summertime12 summertime12
18-21, F
4 Responses Dec 12, 2012

I felt exactly like that, maybe because I was very young, he was my first serious relationship, and I couldn't imagine life without him. I was 100% sure I was gonna marty him and have children together. After some years, this changed. It was very, very hard to be separated, but at the end, he moved on, I moved on. He is my FB friend but that's it. He is in a relationship, so am I. Things change, with time.

I think the guilt you feel is definitely linked to agreeing to the engagement. At the moment, I imagine you are feeling emotional, confused and vulnerable - and rightly so, and therefore seek that love, stability and comfort from someone else. These experiences, having been through the same, can break relationships. I admire the strength in CJmac to leave their partner. I did the same. On the males side, I often wonder if they understand what happens. I think the experience and impact is hugely underestimated and just viewed as a transactional solution..crazy and short sighted.

I hope you are comforted by the fact that you are able to share how you feel on the website and have also related to others because they have responded to your post.

With me, I explored how I felt and I forced myself to be painfully open with myself...although I didn't have the strength to do that constantly. From your partners suggestion above and then talking about the future, I would talk through here and now first. There are hurdles and a lot of talking to come, that's my opinion, I sense a lot is on your mind..be true to how you feel. If your future is with him, that's fine, if its not, that doesn't disconnect you from your experience. Maybe my post my offer some comfort..

A friend of mine had an abortion very young, she felt guilty about it for a long time but eventually came to terms with it. As a consequence though she stayed in a bad relationship for a long time desperately trying to make it work due to the guilt she felt. I didn t really understand at the time...but I m starting to.
I seem to be letting my boyfriend treat me poorly without standing upto him possible due to the guilt I feel...I just working it all out as I go along.
I m not saying that you are doing any of that just that I think it is common to want to make the relationship work....or be more serious after such an experience if that makes sense. In a way it makes the loss more meaningful maybe??

I think everyone feels different after abortions because we all have are own circumstances and our own reasons for doing what we did. Personally I couldn't stand to be around my boyfriend had to move house and leave him because it was all too much for me but for you the comfort of having him might help ease the pain