... That Time...

It's sorta a weird thing to consider.
Someone who though they would never have a kid in their life, suddenly in the position over another life. To me though, it's wrong. It's in me, but it's more like a disease. It has come unwelcome to me.

2008, the thing which has long past.

I know even the day something decided to hold room inside me, and it was a weird sensation.
I felt so warm, and could not stop blushing on my own face. I sorta could not help being warmer than what I used to.
However, I did not want it.
I waited a while before going to a doc, then I told what I knew of it. Since the guy was in military, I told them so. They looked at me like it was so typical. Though... I did not tell him about it. That I had something in me. The only reason I went to docs was because self harm did not kill the thing in me. It wanted life, but I would not give it, I did not wish to carry it forth. I would not harbor it to let it grow.
in the 12 week I was able to get it out.
Just in time. The 12 week is the last week possible in my country.
19 years... I am not ready for the responsibility of a kid. Neither do I want one.
Not with that guy at least.
It was twins though. One went out at the hospital. Another at my toilet at home. Which was kinda freaky, so flushed the toilet hard, many times to be sure. O_o

After that... I just stopped doing stuff. Sex. It felt really weird.
I did it once when me and that guy stopped hanging, just to get another last feeling thing, but... I never liked it much... at least not the feeling. I did not feel like doing it with someone ever again.
Though, lately... I have been feeling like doing it.

I wonder if sometime I ever will get a kid.
I would not mind if it happen when I was able to show enough care for it. It's still kinda weird for me I guess.

Sorta... always know how to feel, but with this, even though it was beforehand, my decision... I don't know... Some might hate me, but... consider this, why let a child be born to a place with lots of harm? My parents are violent bastards, if it became born it would have to go through the same **** as me. I don't want a kid to grow up like me or my siblings. I want it to grow up, if anything, a safe place and learn the important things. Like how to be with girls (yeah I want a boy, beat it), teach him ideas of different philosophers. Let him play around with stuff that would make him considerate of animals and stuff.

I am not ready for the responsibility, and I know it, so I will leave it at that.
Beside, done is done.
Barlong Barlong
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 14, 2012

...do you want to know what sex feels like again,
then rather sleep with girls.

**** men!

I don't like girls like that... I am sadly just attracted to guys. It's not the same.