I Have One Week To Decide If I Want An Abortion.

Last week my life changed forever.

I have been sexually active for 15 years. I have never been promiscuous. I have only had a handful of partners. All long term partners.

I have tried condoms. I can't stand them.

I have tried birth control pills. I had the worst side effects.

So, for the majority of my sex life, I have been using the "pull out method" It never seemed to fail. I did have had a couple of scares throughout the years, however it always turned out fine. I'm sure most people reading this are thinking "The pull out method is not exactly a good form of birth control." And I don't blame anyone for thinking that. However, since it has worked for me for 15 years, I will disagree. Or, perhaps up until now I have just been "lucky"

In the last couple of weeks, I "felt" my period coming. My boobs were a little tender. the usual. But it was late. (Which is normal for me since I am so stressed) I didn't really think much of it. I thought it was coming any day. Last Monday night I went to the drug store. I'm not sure what was wrong, but I felt really off. Something inside me decided to get a pregnancy test. I am not even sure why? Like I said thought I felt my period coming.

I went home. Went right to the bathroom to take the test. And what do you know. ..It was positive. It was the EPT digital. It said PREGNANT. I stood there staring at it. Waiting for the not part to show up. I could not believe my eyes. My boyfriend just came home from work. He didn't even know what I was doing. He knocked on the door. I didn't even say anything. I just stood in the bathroom in silence for about 5 minutes staring at the word... pregnant. In shock and disbelief. I don't even think I was thinking. Just dumbfounded. I opened the door, and I told him. He gave me a hug and smiled. He was happy!! He was excited!! I can't believe it.

After much pondering to myself about how this could have happened!?? It came to me. I remembered. About one month ago, we just finished having sex. He came just a TINY bit on my stomach. Then "down there on me" was a little sticky. It seemed like it was his juices not mine. I EVEN asked him if he came in me at all. He said no, and that was that. I had to of known. That's why I asked. I should have take the Emergency pill right there. I just took his word for it, and didn't even think about it. So, in reality, It wasn't the "pull out method" that failed. It was my boyfriend failing to pull out in time.

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. We lived together for a year. We just moved home with out PARENTS at ages 30, and 31 years old because we had to save and couldn't afford it. We have no money. None. I don't even have insurance. I'm working on getting a domestic partnership insurance through his job. That can take months. My first appointed next week is going to cost me $600. I don't have $600. That is just one of many appointments. I have nothing.

I was just going to break up with my boyfriend last week. Now we are having a baby?

Sure, it is not like we are 16. We are grown adults. But we in no way financially or emotionally ready to have a baby. Our relationship is not where it needs to be. I am so lost. I don't even know if I want a baby. We've talked it over and I have been so back and forth with the baby thing. I told him just a few weeks ago, AT LEAST 3 years IF we have a baby. He keeps saying "when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade" I am so shocked that he is so positive about this and wants this.

I don't want this. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want a baby. At least right now. I don't want to go through labor. None of it. I don't think I am capable of being a great mom. I am not motherly. I am independent. I'm spontaneous. I travel for work. I don't even like being around other peoples babies. I don't even think I have ever held a baby. Besides, this won't be a baby for long. It's a person. A person that would depend on ME for the rest of their life. Probably to grow up and hate me because I couldn't give them everything.

I always thought if this ever happened, I would just have an abortion. But even though right now this "baby" inside of me is just cells forming. I feel like it has a soul. I don't think I can do it. I never thought I would feel that way. Adoption is something I would never do. Where does this leave me? Have a baby. I don't want to have this baby. I am not ready. I have never been so scared in my life. I don't know anything about pregnancy. I am a vegetarian. That is another thing. If I have this baby, I don't want to feed them meat. I feel very strongly about that. My boyfriend says there is no way he won't give them meat. Even the is the last thing right now I should be worried about, how do you compromise on something so big?

I am 8 weeks pregnant. I feel horrible EVERYDAY. I mean really, really bad. Cramps, nauseous, breasts hurt..All day everyday. If I go through with the abortion I have 9 weeks to take the pill and 12 surgically. I'm running out of time. I am 50/50. I don't know what to do.

My boyfriend has a very good Union job (Making OKAY money now) with great benefits. 

I am working for my fathers business. He does not pay me well. I have been making the same since I was 24. He has promised me health insurance for years and he has messed up my taxes. He is VERY selfish. He has 2 houses, 3 cars, spend his money SO frivolously, yet he cannot "afford to pay me more" He has A LOT of money. It's hard because I don't have anywhere else to work and I feel trapped at this stage of his life. He said he wants me to eventually take the business over. who knows. My step mom is CRAZY. She walks around all day in her pajamas moving stuff around(OCD) She thinks my dad should pay me less. (Btw, I am living in NY and he pays me $12 an hour.) He takes HOME about 500,000 a year after taxes and everything for the company is paid off.

I told my dad, and basically he said at first he will support me but he doesn't want me to have it. He says my boyfriend would be a horrible father. He blew up on me last week saying I'm ruining my life. We haven't talked about it since.

My step my flipped out saying I will ruin HER life bc I will miss work and I will depend on them.

I told my brother. He is not being nice at all. He acts like my dad. Said i needed to speak with a counselor about my options. -I Did. I told him yesterday I was leaning towards having it, and he started flipping out saying I need to have an abortion. he said I have one week to tell my mom or HE will tell her!!! What the hell? I am THIRTY!! I told him in confidence and now he is just being a horribly mean person. Saying this is not much choice as it will effect everyone around me, negatively.

I have no idea what my mom will say. I am sure she won't be supportive either.

Basically, I have always been pro-choice. I am not religious. I never thought of a fetus as a baby yet. I always thought if this ever happened when I was not ready I would just have an abortion.

Now- I feel like it is just so wrong. I don't know. Just now for me, I don't know if I can go through with it. I feel like it IS my baby. If I have an abortion I will regret it for the rest of my life. At the same time, I feel like it's the most logical thing to do. I am SO torn.

I am in NO way shape or form ready to have a child. Emotionally or finically. I have no support from anyone. I am SCARED.

I don't want either option. I am not a teenager. I am 30. I always thought IF I had kids, I would be around 35. That is the thing though I don't even though IF I want a child. Adoption is out of the question. Won't do it. If I have this child I would do everything in my power to be a great mother. I don't know if I can give a child a good life though. I don't think I am "motherly"

I have two choices. I don't want either. At all. I have nobody by my side but my boyfriend. I am so scared and feel so helpless.

LB1982 LB1982
26-30, F
11 Responses Dec 14, 2012

Hope you have made the right choice. The one YOU feel ok with. Forget about your father, he hasn't treated you like a daughter, but like a bad employee, and you don't deserve that.
Don't expect anything from him, or your brother. Don't depend on them anymore.
Trust your mother and your in-laws, since they are supporting you. And if you have decided to keep the baby, enjoy every minute of it. Be happy, even though money is an issue, enjoy your pregnancy.
Good luck, and blessings for you and your future child.

Thank you all for your responses. I have decided to keep this baby. My father fired me and disowned me. I'm not sure what to do now for a job since I have been working for the family business right out if high school and don't have college.

On a brighter note,my mother is supportive as well as my boyfriends parents. I just hope I am making the right decision.

i dont think you should have an abortion, especially if your boyfriend was happy and you have been sexually active for 15 years... also most woman have bad side effects of taking the pill, and nobody enjoys condoms, but we wear them anyway... so you cant blame your boyfriend for not " pulling out on tume " that responsibility shouldnt fall on him.

Despite all their talk about "choice," those at abortion clinics who counsel women on their options often act as if abortion is a woman's only realistic alternative. This simply isn't so.

Throughout the United States, there are nearly 3,000 Crisis Pregnancy Centers staffed by volunteers ready to provide real help to women facing unplanned or untimely pregnancies. [112] In addition to providing pregnancy tests and counseling, these centers often offer a full range of services, helping women obtain housing, maternity and baby clothes, baby equipment, pre- and post-natal medical care, legal assistance and financial support, information about adoption, and even advice on how a woman in school can continue her education. [113] Offering real and tangible assistance, these centers have helped thousands of women to realize that they didn't have to choose between their own lives and the lives of their unborn babies.

Unlike their counterparts at the local abortion clinic, the volunteer counselors at your Crisis Pregnancy Center do not have a vested financial interest in the ultimate decision you make. Their concern and commitment are genuine, so you can count on them to stick by you through the tense and sometimes difficult months ahead.

If you picked up this pamphlet at your local Crisis Pregnancy Center, you already have some idea of the quality of people who work there. But if not, you can look in the Yellow Pages under the heading "Abortion Alternatives," or call, toll-free, 1 (800) 848-LOVE, any time, day or night, to find the nearest Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area. You'll find someone who genuinely cares about what happens to you and your unborn baby.

I had an abortion a month ago. I am an adult too 30's, had never been promiscous, always been with a partner, never so much as had a pregnancy scare, always had been responsible.
I always thought if pregnant and I couldn t have it, abortion would not be a problem, although also always thought it would never happen to me, I m too sensible. I have always strongly believed in a womans right to choose.
I never expected to have the mixed emotions that I had. I was terrified, I felt like a child.
My life was not together enough, couldn t afford it financially, wasn t sure my emotional health was strong enough, would have meant throwing away my education. Was scared I would be a terrible mother.
As much as I wanted a family and to feel loved and belong to something more than myself...in my heart I knew it wasn t right for me. I was so scared.
I had one day where I let myself run it, the notion that I could keep it, that everything would work out ok, we would all be wonderfully happy. I really enjoyed that, it felt wonderful. After that though, I let reality for me kick in and I looked at what could go wrong, worst case senario, how would I cope.
Realisitically, I had no family support, without the current career path I was on ( still ind education), it would mean no money, no securtiy, I didn t know the father that well, it was a blossoming romance. It would mean giving up all my independance...I just couldn t risk that, for myself, my future child, or my mental and emotional health.
In my heart I knew what was right for me.
I was scared, sad, and very hormonal, I d wake up in tears every morning.
I think you do too, just really look at all your options. And talk only to people you know you can trust and won t judge or pressure you either way. The support of others really helped me feel safe enough to make my own decision.
Good luck xx

think long and hard, it is a tough situation but you have to work out what course of action will cause the least suffering for all involved, in the short term and long term. My parents were going to have me aborted and they decided not to, not trying to sound miserable but my life was pretty **** from an early age I think they made the wrong decision. If you believe you can give a child the best life YOU CAN, they will be happy. If you don't maybe abortion or adoption may be the better solution, but Im a guy so I have know way to know how it feels for a woman bearing a child. All I can say which is necessary in the solution to all problems: think long and hard, find the most solution for everyone, and if that solution is the lesser of two evils then it must be.

About a month ago I had an abortion. My reasons were similar as well. I was torn the same as you but between abortion and adoption.<br />
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I ended up regretting my decision and feel a lot of grief and guilt for this tiny person I never got to meet. Who I never got to give to a loving couple. It's been hard, but really any decision you make will come with emotional pain.<br />
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It sounds to me like you want to keep it, but the only thing that's keeping you from not doing it is how hard life will be. From what I see, most people who have unplanned pregnancies and keep the babies don't regret it and love their baby and they find a way to support them by any means whether it be by government assistance or whatnot. I think your parents might warm up to it once they see their baby grandson/daughter.<br />
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I also think you shouldn't rule out adoption though. There are many waiting couples who are emotionally and financially capable that I'm sure would love any baby given to them. The baby lives, you don't have go through parenting hardships and can still be in the child's life, and a couple gets a child. Win-win-win situation.<br />
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Also, about contraception: there are more than just condoms and pills. I strongly recommend getting a IUD Paragaurd which goes into your uterus and can last 10-12 years. It's also non-hormonal. You can get a 5 year one too but that one has hormones in it. Odds of getting pregnant on an IUD are .20%. More effective than getting your tubes tied.

I know that you are thirty and I am only a sixteen year old child but let me tell my story. In 2009 I got pregnant at 12 years old. I was just days out of the 7th grade. My boyfriend at the time was only thirteen. When I found out I pregnant I was dead set against abortion. So no matter how much I was sick and didn't want to get out of bed I did. Until the day I had my miscarriage. It was probably the worst day of my life, or that I would have thought. After the miscarriage I was led down a road of drug abuse and human trafficking. It took me a long time to get sober and I found the best boyfriend ever. Well we were together for over a year and we were sexually active for almost the whole year. I got pregnant on October 20, 2012 celebrating our one year. When I found I was pregnant again I was so excited and couldn't wait to be a mother. When I told my mother she was shocked. And both her and my father told me to either get an abortion or get out. I am only sixteen. I couldn't afford to move out. So I was forced to get an abortion, we decided the abortion pill and it was over Thanksgiving. Worst timing ever. I'm just saying please don't let anyone decide for you because you have to live with it for the rest of your life. And I promise the moment you see your precious child on the ultrasound screen will be the most priceless moment of your life.

Thank you Dragonfly.

The way I see it.. I feel I would regret abortion for the rest of my life.

I don't see how I could "regret" my child. Well, I guess lots of people do. I feel it could make my life SO much harder. I will lose respect from my family, have to sacrifice many things in my life, and it will be HARD. But if I have this baby, I will love them unconditionally and give them all I have...even if it's not much.

That said, I don't know if I can do this without any support of my family. My boyfriend wants this but we have had so many problems. The thought of being a single mom with nobody to help is more than overwhelming.

it really sounds like u want to keep it.............maybe think about it this way, which choice would emotionally wreck you more? you should only get an abortion if you are completely 100% sure thats what u want. as for your family, this is your decision and your life do what is right for you. i never thought i would be a good mom, because of how i was raised, i didnt want to be abusive like my parents. and i am not. the mothering instinct somehow kicks in. i somehow have all the patience and love in the world for my son.

do what is right for you
dont let anyone force a decision on you.
good luck.

Thank you Astrangerstill.

I know adoption is a great option for many, but not me. My ex and my boyfriends brother are both adopted. Both of them have WONDERFUL parents.

It's just.. if I bring this child into the world, I want to make sure they have the best life possible. I could find a rich couple that seem nice, however love and happiness is much more important to me for my child to have.

I wouldn't want to just "hope for the best" and turn away from my baby. If that makes sense?