Empty Belly, Empy Heart.

I had an abortion about 4 weeks ago now, the decision was made to abort and to keep it a secret that we would not have the judgement of others close to us as a few members of our family have had difficulties during pregnancy and that we could never be so disrespectful to their feelings so after talking long and hard about our future and that the timing was off for my partner as he is so close to finishing his college course and working towards his dreams and that we would put it off till we were in a better position to have more kids, i have already a daughter which i had through a very ruff situation, my partner has none but has been amasing with her and my daughter adores him and i fell madly in love with everything about him... he was the best support a woman could ask for and with him i managed to do the one thing that i vowed never to. in a weird way it made me love him more... 3 days after the abortion my partner could not take the pressure and he ended our relationship out right and told me he didnt love me and couldn't be near me anymore.... it was the hardest week off my life yet since my x has still been an active part of my life and we are closer than i could ever imagine considering the situation and seems to have done a 180 on emotions to be back to the start once more of he loves me but doesnt want to lead me on etc and of course i love him and so i allow it to continue breaking me apart each time.
I have been his support system and been there for him as much as i can but in doing so i neglected my own feelings.
I am now as it stands feeling the worst that i have ever felt before, I killed an innocent life for selfish reasoning and i did it for what? nothing! i took my babies life to give my partner his back and ive been left alone to face it. i still believe that the right thing was done but who am i to decide that for an innocent life that didn't chose to be made.
I am finding a lot difficult to deal with and have only my x to turn to about it so i have wrote my x a letter explaining everything so that we can deal with it together before i lose the plot
prinni prinni
Jan 6, 2013