5 Years Later I Still Feel Guilty

I'm 19 about to be 20 in June. When I was 14 I was young, naive, and with a 21 year old who said he "loved me". I had only had sex once before I met him and I was too scared to say no when he didn't want to use a condom. He told me he pulled out but he didn't and I ended up pregnant. I then found out that he purposely got me pregnant with out telling me and then just up and left me. At first I wanted to keep it but then I realized I wasn't even 15 yet. I was JUST about to go into high school and there was no way I could take care of this baby. He told me he was going home to New Jersey to get some of his stuff and that was the last time I heard from him. I ended up going with the abortion and I was 5 weeks when I had it done. 5 years later I now have a beautiful 20 month old who I love more than anything in this world but I still feel guilty everyday for what I did. I read comments and articles about how terrible women that get abortions are. I feel terrible and sometimes hate myself for what I did and I just can't forgive myself. I feel so stupid for not saying no and being too scared of what he thought. 5 years later I still break down sometimes when I think "wow I would have a 5 year old right now" and think about what my life would be like if I kept it.

I just starting searching for support and found this website so I hope that letting out my feelings with help a little bit:/ it makes me feel a little better to read everyone else's journeys and stories but I still feel bad. Does this feeling of emptiness and regret ever go away?
DMarie5211 DMarie5211
18-21, F
Jan 7, 2013